You First

Nate is my four year old cousin. I love that kid. He was adopted when he was 6 months old by my aunt and uncle who are in their 50s. Their children, who are like sisters to me, are grown and out of the house. So Nate is the baby of the family. (I used to hold this title until he came along. I am over it now though.) I love hanging out with Nate, probably because I am just a big kid. A big responsible kid who has a job and is in grad school. Lately though, Nate has been being kind of defiant. My aunt and uncle would tell him not to do something, and he would do it anyways, repeatedly. And laugh while he is doing it. Feeling more intellectual than I actually am, I tried to explain to my aunt and uncle the psychological reasoning behind my cousin’s recent behavior changes. (I need to remind myself more often that I am still studying psychology and I do not have all of the answers.)

Let me back track a second. Remember when I said that Nate was the baby of the family? Well let me rephrase that, he used to be. A little less than a year ago my cousin/sister (Nate’s sister) gave birth to her son Noah. So for about a year now, Nate hasn’t been the baby of the family. I explained to my aunt and uncle (as if I am wise or something) that Nate simply wants attention. He was used to being the center of attention because he was the youngest, and now he’s not. Now Noah is the center of attention and Nate will do anything he can to get attention – even if it means disobeying. It almost like Nate thinks he’s in some competition to gain attention. It’s been all about him for 3 ½ years and now he’s coming to understand that things have changed. And he doesn’t like it.

I can identify with Nate’s feelings a little. I mean, in some way we all seek attention. We all want to be noticed. We all want to seen as special in someone else’s eyes.

It seems unfair sometimes, that life is not about me. Life is not about what I want or need or how special I am. If life were about me I would always get what I wanted. I thought about this for awhile: What life would be like if it was all about me?

I would get bored pretty fast. I mean, if I got everything I ever wanted when I wanted it, it would get old. The feeling of anticipation for anything would be gone. Anxiety would never happen. And I think anxiety can be a good thing, if it is in the form of eagerness. It keeps you on your toes. And without being on your toes, you would be a sitting, lazy, dull sack of crap.

So life really can’t be about me, even though sometimes I wish it could. But if it’s not about me, then it has to be about something else of course. As Jesus said, life is about loving God and loving others. Period.

Think about this. God could have made this world into pretty much anything. He could have created a hell on Earth for humans. But He didn’t. He poured Himself into His creation so that we may enjoy it.

As the writer in Psalms says,
“You cause grass to grow for the livestock and plants for people to use.You allow them to produce food from the earth— wine to make them glad, olive oil to soothe their skin, and bread to give them strength.

He gave Himself, just as His son would later give Himself for the sake of others. Unselfishness.

I want to get to a point where I can look at anybody and say, “Life is not about me, it’s about you.” I’m not there yet. I still deal with selfishness on a daily basis. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in my life, trying to sort everything out and trying to arrange for a kind of life that I want to have. But there’s this whole other way of life that God presents. Whoever wants to gain life must first lose it. Die to yourself. His way is something that seems so strange and difficult, but I know during those moments where I am putting others before myself I get a glimpse of peace. When I am living a life not about myself, that’s when I can start to experience this kind of full life that God has in store.

If tell my cousin Nate that life is not about him, I doubt he will understand. “Nate no you cannot get your way. You just are not that important.” This is probably not good for a child’s self esteem. He would grow up with a lot of issues. But I know for myself, I need to be an example of how putting others first is a good way to live.

Stars

I was out on the beach the other night by myself. Sometimes I kind of like spending a little time alone, just collecting my thoughts. I am in no means anti-social or in the pre-stages of becoming a crazy hermit that lives in a cabin in the woods by myself. But just here lately it seems like those alone times in which I truly connect with God have been few and far between. It's so easy just to get wrapped up in everything going on and everyone around you, but sometimes it can be good just to sit back and rest.

Back to the beach story, so it was night, I was alone, and I was on the beach. The stars seemed unusually bright that night, partially because of the lack of clouds getting in the way. Also, the moon was not out. That's what they call a New moon. (Why 'new' moon? I mean I get 'full' moon but not 'new' moon. They should have used 'no' moon or 'absentee' moon.) Well, I laid back and tried to count the stars. I could not. There were too many. Some were brighter than others; some seemed to be closer together.

I was immediately reminded of the verse. But I had to go look it up later because though I may remember the emphasis of the verse, I am terrible at memorizing.
Psalm 8:3 "I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?" (The Message)

These things than shine in the night sky, these things that God says He can count each one and give them a name. These wonderful things He views as less important than we are. He can fashion such wonderful and awe inspiring things as stars but He still concerns Himself with us. Why? I know that sometimes I can be so stubborn. I can be selfish. I screw up so many times. I can be rude, unforgiving, and non chivalrous. ( I really hate it when I am non chivalrous.) Right now I am kicking myself because I recently acted like a total jerk to someone. Yet, despite all of our flaws, even though sometimes we don't shine as bright as the stars, God still wants a relationship with us.

Amazing.

I also thought about this while I looked at the stars. Every star had its own place in the night sky. Each one occupied its own territory. Some shined brighter than others. Some were closer together than others. But each one shined. And each one had it's role to play in being apart of the darkened sky. For a moment the stars reminded me of people. Not certain people per se, but just people in general. How we each have our own place in life. (insert cliche/cheesy sentence next) How we each have the ability to shine in our own way. How that even though we are all different individuals, we all are connected. We are all part of some larger story.

And then I thought of those people who live in a state of feeling alone. Those who would like to connect, but just don't know how. Those who feel like they are the dimmest in the sky. I guess these are the people who need to be shone the love of God.