Why Am I Doing What I'm Doing?

I have no idea what I'm doing here. Here, being in this world. At times I feel lost, looking for some glimpse of my future, searching for what path I am supposed to take.

I already have a job, but truthfully it's not what I want to do. It's draining and stressful and many days I leave work wondering why God has me there. I'm in grad school for counseling, something I think that's what I want to do, but grad school is hard too- especially when working full time. And sometimes I doubt the whole grad school thing anyways. Do I really have what it takes to make it in this profession? Do I really have what it takes to help people for a career? I feel so inadequate sometimes.

Life is hard, that's a given. Sometimes I wish I could just move to the mountains or to a far off island, somewhere away from the pressure that surrounds me and the burdens that weigh me down. But I know I would probably find pressure and stress wherever I went.

The last few years have been sort of a haze for me. I just seem to be going through the motions ; eat-drink-sleep-work-use the bathroom- and repeat. Where is this abundant life that Jesus said He came to bring? Where are the times where I can kick back and say "Now this is the life." I do have good times, don't get me wrong. But they seem overshadowed by all of the other stuff. Where's the life that is full of passion, love, and soul? Is this it? Is there more that I am missing? It seems like doubt and pressure and stress and confusion are all that's out there.

But there has to be something more. I know that deep down, there's something more that rings true in my heart. A glimpse of truth that seems to fight against the things that weigh me down. I know I'm searching for a life, the life that I was meant to have, the life that God created me for.

I believe that God has created in advance a special work for each of us to do. A sweet spot for each of us to live in and out of. God created each of us to do something unique and amazing. He says He has created us with something special in mind.

Am I living out of the unique life that God created me for? The question is, why am I doing what I am doing? Why do I let stuff get in the way from doing what God created me to do?

He intentionally made each of us, so if we are intentionally made...we are supposed to have a unique purpose for being here. But the question is are we fulfilling that purpose?

I am still wrestling with these questions myself, and I doubt that I am alone. All I know is to pray and have faith that God will guide me to the purpose He has for me. And I pray the same for you.