My Area of Expertise

So for those of you who don’t know, I am studying counseling in grad school. In counseling, it seems best if you have an area of expertise. It could be working with a certain demographic (children) or specializing in treating a certain disease (Tricotelomania) or maybe just become a teacher or do counseling research. I have been thinking a lot about what I want to specialize in. I think I have narrowed it down to two different areas. One is PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can happen to people who experience traumatic situations like war, rape, or abuse. The other area is marriage and family. (I wonder if there’s anyone who has experienced PTSD because of their marriage.) I know you are thinking, “Matt, how can you work with families and marriages when you’re not even married yourself?” Ah, good question. To that I would say that a pediatrician doesn’t have to be a parent in order to treat children.

I think I do know some things about marriages and families though. One thing that really gets to me is when marriages fall apart. I hate to see that happen. But why does it happen? What’s the root of the problem? I mean, two individuals coming together as one is supposed to come easy, right? Not at all. You see, there’s one thing I know about humans, after all I am one. We are selfish people. It’s something that comes natural. I have never met a person that had to work to become selfish. It’s almost as if we were born that way. I admit that I am selfish. I do not want to be this way. It’s a constant struggle. But hey, good things are worth fighting for right?

One of the things that I have seen in marriages is that two selfish people come together and they still remain selfish. It’s all about what can I get from this other person without having to give anything in return. And honestly, any relationship (whether it’s marriage or friendship) where it’s only about selfish desires being met is destined to be destructive. Then there are those relationships where one person is selfish and the other is not. This one is not healthy either. You have one person trying to serve and the other person acting like a slave master. It’s basically abuse.

I think a healthy relationship is where two people try their best to serve each other. A good relationship is one where each person is constantly asking the other “How can I better love you”, “How can I better serve you.” And this amazing thing starts to happen when you invest your time in others…you begin to feel better about the relationship. When you spend your time serving others, life starts to make more sense. It’s almost as if there was some rule to life that if you love others more than yourself, things will work out for you. I think I have read that somewhere before.

matt spann