Disclaimer: This is not about condemning anyone or pointing any fingers. I am just reflecting upon my own life and the things I experience. I am speaking to myself more than anyone else.
I was getting dressed the other evening, on my way to meet an old friend. I picked out a shirt, brushed my teeth, and put some product in my hair as I gazed into the mirror. As my reflection stared back at me a thought came to mind, “Matt, why are you fixing your hair so it’s looks messy?” I didn’t have an answer for myself. Seriously, how stupid is this? After question my actions, I felt like an idiot. It’s not like I was about to go meet a beautiful lady or anything. I was meeting a dude, and he’s married in the first place. (That’s a joke) On the drive to meet my friend I started to think about the many things I do to try to impress others. I like to think that I really don’t care what others think about me. I like to think that I only care about what God thinks about me, but that’s not the full truth. Sometimes other people’s perception of myself is important to me. I really don’t want it to be important, but sometimes it is. It could be the culture that I was raised in, it could be the bombardment of advertisements which I face everyday that tell me to be a certain way or face rejection, it could just be Satan up to his manipulating tricks again. It’s a little of all three if you ask me.
Have you ever noticed yourself competing in a conversation with someone? You may ask, “Matt, what do you mean ‘competing’ in a conversation?” I caught myself competing in a conversation with a friend about a year or so ago. Come to find out, I have been doing this in conversations since I can remember but it wasn’t until a year ago that I realized it. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: How was your trip?
Friend: It was good. I stayed at this great hotel. It was very nice.
Me: that’s cool. I stayed at this one hotel one time and it was the greatest hotel ever. What else did you do?
Friend: I went to a concert. Oh, I saw a dolphin too.
Me: Did I tell you about this singer who is a mutual friend of mine. Speaking of dolphins, let me show you the pictures I took of a whale I saw in the ocean one time.
And that was how the conversation went. Being a reflective person, I often think of things after they happen. And after this conversation I realized how stupid I was. During the whole conversation, instead of listening to my friend I was looking for a way that I could top whatever they were about to say. Am I alone in this one? I think it’s funny how we act when we want others to validate us. We will do some ridiculous things to win the approval and acceptance of others. We all have a need to feel like we are approved and accepted by others. Who really desires to be known as the Loner?
In church the other day, my imagination started to take off. (I know, I am such a bad person to let my mind wander in the middle of church.) I wondered what it would be like to be a homeless man, with nothing but rags for clothes, and how I would feel as I walked into church. I looked around at the nice dresses and expensive watches and wondered would they welcome me, a dirty homeless man, as one of them. Would they not be offended by the fact that I haven’t showered in a while? Yes, this is where my imagination took me the other day. I am not about to turn this into an argument about whether it’s right or wrong to dress up or just be casual for church. I believe there are some things that are Biblically black and white. But everything about God cannot be black and white because that would mean that He’s a God that I could understand, that I could keep in a box. Some issues are gray and some ar full of color. Black and white are too dull anyways. With that being said, how much do we try to impress each other at church? It’s just a question. This is a question I fail to ask myself many days. I’m not saying looking good or anything like that is wrong. I guess what I am trying to say is that too many times I try to impress others too much. I give my time and attention in seeking the acceptance from others, when I should be devoting all I have to the One who has already accepted me just the way I am.
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