Feeling Blah

Sorry to disappoint, but this one is not about any kind of pain or heartache. This is not about joy and letting God have control of your life. This is not about always wearing a smile or even praying for your enemies. I really don’t know what this is about, so it’s just going to flow out. I was thinking to myself today, “Matt, you haven’t written anything this week. What’s going on?” Well, to be honest nothing is really going on. I’m just sort of here. Many ideas have been on my mind, and I have a lot of topics that I want to write about but I just can’t seem to get things down. I’m not really drained or anything; it just feels like I’m getting by. Things are neither high nor low. I’m not jumping for joy but I’m not down in the dumps. Tomorrow or even an hour from now, things may change. But as for right now I’m just here. Actually, I just stopped writing this for a few minutes, thinking I wasn’t making any sense. (And that’s probably right.) While I stopped working on this, I tried writing about a topic that has been on my mind lately, following God into the unknown, but I just couldn’t seem to get the words out. Call it writer’s block or whatever, but I guess I’ll try getting my feelings out about this now.
I think we all have these times in our lives. Times where we feel like things are just going; we feel life being pretty mundane. We are neither in the valley nor on top of the mountain. We not in the middle of a storm, but we are not seeing any sunshine either. At least, I hope I’m not alone here. I really hate feeling like this. Truthfully, it is kind of boring here. And I hate being bored. I mean really, who likes boredom. It all seems kind of bland and mundane. Give me spicy any day of the week. I would rather be way down in the valley than just in the middle of wherever I am right now. At least then I would have some sort of inspiration.
I think it is dangerous for our faith when we get in these kinds of places. I mean, when I’m facing a tragedy I have to depend on God to make it through. When I am experiencing something great, I feel like praising Him. But here’s it’s just kind of, blah. I know in times like this, I should do what a good Christian should do and be thankful for everything God has done for me. If the Apostle Paul was here he’d say, “Matt, you better rejoice son, let me say it again, Rejoice!” And I know that praising God during these times is the right thing to do, but let’s be honest, we don’t naturally feel like praising Him when things are going “just okay.”
Maybe if I wasn’t so forgetful, I would do better during times like this. I forget where I place my car keys at least once a week. And when I’m going through these times where I’m just in the middle, I forget really how much I really am thankful for. I also forget how much I do really need God. As I said, we depend on God a whole lot more when we are hurt rather than when we’re just doing alright. Maybe that’s why Paul had to tell people to rejoice twice. He knew they would forget to rejoice if he only mentioned it once. So for now, I will try to rejoice. God has brought me through a lot. He has matured me through difficult times, some just happened and some were my own doing. Now that I am reflecting on how much He has actually worked in my life to bring me where I am today, I really do realize how much I do need Him. It is amazing to look back and see the little and big things He has done to bring me along. But I am also realizing that there is more ahead. There are more tragedies. There are more mountaintop experiences. And there is more of Him. So for now, I will break away from this place of just getting by, of just being “okay.” I will be thankful for the past, and yearn for more of Him in my future. So now I will live blessed and breathe on…