So my Bible Study class at church is weird. I know that’s an awkward way to start this out, but it’s true. The class is weird. It’s not that the people in the class are weird. They aren’t. They are pretty normal; as normal as anyone else is anyways. I mean normal in the sense of they have jobs and are married and all. That last part, the thing about all of them being married, I guess that’s what makes the class weird. “Wait Matt, you’re not married so why are you in the class?” And that is certainly a great question, and I guess me being the single guy in a couples class is what makes the class weird. From my standpoint, I bring something different to the class. It’s great for me, I think, because I get to learn from all of these married people. You know, if you want to learn about something that you have never experienced, it is best to learn from those who have. Also, whenever I need relationship advice, which is not often, I have a bunch of married guys to talk to. (I say not often not in the sense of I am a pro in the relationship area, but as in I have no need for advice because of my lack of being in a relationship.) I wouldn’t ask a single friend about relationship advice because that’s like letting a blind person drive you around town – a wreck is bound to follow and soon. The Bible says a wise man seeks the counsel of others. I think this verse can be applied to relationship counsel. I have learned a lot from my friends, but also God has taught me a lot during my time spent in singleness. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you examine something from afar off. But then again, I have also learned things from the relationships in my past as well.
One thing I have learned about relationships is that it’s best when they are intentional. I know that sounds weird and all, but give me a sec. When I say intentional, I don’t mean that I am going to go up to a girl and say “Hi. We are dating now. 4 months from today I will propose and exactly 3 months from then we will be married.” That’s the kind of talk that would creep a woman out. Intentional dating is having some sort of plan, but also not having it all planned out. I guess it’s not casual. I am not a fan of casual dating, though I used to be. Most of the time someone gets attached and feelings get hurt…that’s why I can’t support casual dating anymore. Usually dating is something like, “Hey, we are going to be together until something better comes along or I get bored.” To me, this kind of dating isn’t all that great either. I don’t think Jesus would lend his support to regular dating. I guess I don’t have some set definition for intentional dating, but I know what it is not. It is not casual and it’s not selfish. It is not avoiding a DTR, defining the relationship, conversation.
I used to fear the DTR, now I think it is essential. When there’s not one, someone is always left wondering where they stand because the communication is not clear. I think the defining should rest on the shoulders of the man. Being a man, I gotta step up and lead.
I’m not that old fashioned when it comes to roles in relationships or anything. I mean, I typically don’t think that a woman’s place is cooking, cleaning, and popping out babies. I do think men need to be the initiators when it comes to relationships. In Proverbs it says that a man who finds a wife finds what is good. The guy is the one finding. He’s the one initiating. He’s the one pursuing. Why? Because a good woman has worth. Things of worth don’t just fall into your lap. Every other Friday money just doesn’t magically appear in my bank account without me doing anything to earn it. I have to work for it. So ladies, if I had to say something to you it would be that it’s okay – even good – to be a little hard to get. Don’t go all into playing head games with the guy, but ladies you are worth something so let him show you what he’s willing to do to have something of worth. A good and godly man will want to show a woman he is interested in that she is valuable to him.
One more thing on my mind. I used to have this mindset that there were things I had to get accomplished before I wanted to be married. Like be out of school, financially stable, and such. My thoughts have changed recently. I said before that it would great to save money while you are single that way you could bring something into a marriage, and I think this is true. You know, right now I could say that I want to get finished with grad school and be stable as a counselor before I am married, but I am not going to say that. After I accomplished those things I would probably come up with another list of things I thought I had to get out of the way. Sure if I was finished with school and very successful, pursuing a marriage would be easier. But there are always going to be things to overcome in every relationship, no matter how long you are in life. Fact is, I can always come up with tons of reasons not to do something; I can always make excuses. And I think one big thing in relationships is learning to get through things together.
That’s really all of the thoughts I have for now and feel free to disagree. Live blessed and walk in love…
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