You want to know something personal about me? I want to get married and have a family one day. It’s something I really want. I want to have a wife to take care of and provide for. I want children who I can play with and be there for. That’s just how God made me. It is a desire He set inside my heart. But what if this doesn’t come true? What if I never get married and I never have any children? What if I am single my whole life? Can I cope with that? Will my life still have any meaning? Can I still be happy?
I remember talking to an exgirlfriend of mine about these issues about 4 years or so ago. (Funny thing, we were actually exes then and we were talking about these things. So for all of you out there, you can actually be friends with someone you used to date. You don’t have to be on bad terms.) She told me that since these desires to have a wife and kids came from God, then He would be sure to carry them out. I think this is true because my desires aren’t selfish or anything. I don’t think He answers all of our desires though. If I desired a Bentley, God wouldn’t give it to me just because I desired it. But unselfish and honorable desires, I believe He likes those. But I am not God. I cannot say what He will do. And most of all I can’t make Him do anything. He’s not a genie in a magic lamp who I pray to and He grants me wishes. He’s God; and for Him to be God- well He has to be able to do whatever He sees fit. So I have to wrestle with the possibility that I could be single for the rest of my life.
I know people that would say their biggest fear is to be single for the rest of their life. How do they handle this fear? Either A) They fall too early too soon for someone because they just want to be in a relationship and they don’t care who it’s with. B) They jump from relationship to relationship just trying to avoid anytime being single. They identify their worth on whether they are with someone (marriage is not the major league and singles the minor league.) C) They are in some dead end relationship with someone they shouldn’t be with but they lack the courage to end it. To me, if I can’t be single and at peace about it, then I am saying that my happiness is not based on Him. If my fear is being single for the rest of my life, then I am saying that He is not enough.
So right now I am single. What am I supposed to do while I am in this time during my life? Well, since I would like to have a family one day I probably should prepare myself for one. Take responsibility, be a man, don’t do stupid boyish things. I think one of the best things for someone to do who wants a family but is single is to start financially preparing. You know, I am probably not going to give a dowry to my wife’s father but I do want to bring financial stability to my wife. I don’t want to be up to my ears in debt and have no way of earning an income. It would be awesome if one day I could say to the woman I marry, “Before we met I started spending responsibly and saving so that now I can buy us this house.” Another thing a single person can do while they are single is to get a plan for your life. What do you want to do? Me, I have figured that God wants me to become a counselor, so I am pursuing that. When you have a plan, you actually bring something to a relationship. Ladies correct me if I am wrong, but it is not attractive for a guy to just be clueless on his future. I am not saying that single people need to have their whole life planned out, but seek out a direction in which you think He wants you to go and go after it. Being single is not a time to just sit around and be wasted. Relationships, particulary marriage, are for men and not for boys, and for women not for girls. So grow up.
Being single is not a bad thing. There is so much you can accomplish for Him that married people just can’t do. On the other hand, marriage is also a good thing. I don’t know how long God will allow me to be single. It’s up to Him. I am not just sitting around waiting for Him to drop a wife in my lap. Proverbs says that a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Finds means that the man actually has to be looking for a wife. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that I should just be jumping from girl to girl either. The whole idea of pursuing is a whole piece in itself. But for my single folks, if you believe God has marriage in your future start preparing for it. And for my people who are dating, make sure you are dating for the right reasons. Don’t be afraid of being single. If you have been with him or her for a year and you’re not sure if they are the one, get out of the relationship. Well I guess that’s all for now. Live blessed and walk in love…
1 comment:
i think these are wise words every single Christian needs to hear.
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