My Crazy Dreams

Scientists say that everyone has dreams. Some people remember their dreams occasionally and others do not remember theirs at all. I, on the other hand, remember most of my dreams. I mean, out of 7 nights of sleep I will remember dreams from 5 or 6 of those nights.

Sometimes my dreams can be pretty normal and relate to something I am experiencing in real life. Sometimes my dreams are about things that are totally random. For instance, the other night I dreamed I was back in college. In my dream I was the owner of a black Ford F-150. My friend owned a Jeep. He liked my truck and I liked his Jeep so we just decided to trade. Simple transaction. But after we traded, I put the Jeep in neutral and left it on the side of a hill. Not the smartest move. Well, my Jeep rolled down the hill into a river where it sank. Then I became vehicle-less. If my subconscious is trying to tell me something through that dream, I have no idea what it is supposed to be.

I have a lot of dreams, or goals if you will, that I want to achieve in my life. I think goals are a good thing; they can inspire you to rise above circumstances and accomplish something you want to do. I think that some dreams are given to us by God. Some things He has specifically given to us to accomplish.

Some things I want to do in life include write a few books, finish my graduate degree, become a counselor, have a wife and children, maybe do some relief work in another country. These are just some of the more prominent ones.

Lately, I have been thinking about these dreams of mine and wrestling with their importance in my life. Are the goals my number one priority or is the Giver of those goals? Am I placing my dreams above my relationship with Him?

Yes, I would love it if each of my dreams happened. And I totally think that God deserves the glory and honor in each of these dreams. I just know how sometimes I get consumed and forget that it's about Him and not my own goals.

I know that Psalms says to delight in God and He will give you the desires of your heart.

God is supposed to be my delight, not the chasing of my dreams. Yes, these dreams can be good. Having a wife and children is great, but it dishonors God if I put my desire for a family above my desire for Him.

I want to understand more what it means to fully delight in Him. I want to lay whatever goals and dreams I have down before Him and say they are His. I want to be open to whatever plan He has for my life.

I believe that if my number one desire is Him, He will take care of the rest. Now I just gotta work on patience.

Boxes

Okay, I am trying to come up with some clever story to lead into what I want to write about but I am coming up empty handed. I thought about opening up with a story about how I like to look up definitions for new words I come across. Yeah, it may sound a little dorky but I'm okay with that. I also thought about stating a bunch of random ideas about boxes. Yes, I said boxes. The folded cardboard creations one uses to store items in. When I was in college they also doubled as furniture. But the subject of boxes gets really boring really fast.

With no lead-in story, unless that first paragraph can be counted as one, I'm just deciding to jump into what's on my mind.

I think we all have at some point had a problem with putting things in boxes. I think we all have struggled with definitions.

I know I have defined someone before I have had a chance to get to know who they really are. I try no to do it. Sometimes labeling others just seems so easy, does it not? Dork, Conceited, Shy, Weird, Dumb, Jackass, Promiscuous, etc. Labels can be passed out just by glancing at someone. You don't have to get to know someone before you put a definition on their life. We can just look at someone, label them, and then decide if this label is a person we would associate with or not associate with.

One thing I have come to learn is that preconceived labels really don't hold up when you start to get to know someone. People are much more complicated than one word can sum up.

We tend to only associate with those people in which we have many things in common. We tend to not associate ourselves with the labels that we find undesirable. There have been many times before where I have placed someone in a box (metaphorically) before I had a chance to know them. Then when I actually sat down and conversated with the person, I realized how stupid I was for placing them in the box. (Don’t tell me conversated is not a word)

I don't think God wants us to place people in boxes or give the labels. I think He thinks we are all equals. Even though He made us equals, I think He made us where we each bring something unique to the table. Maybe so we can each learn from each other. I like being around people who I don't have that much in common with. Though, I don't do it enough. They challenge me and cause me to grow.

Believing and Doing

Can I tell you something? Let you into my world a little? Thanks for saying yes.

I have been somewhat frustrated as of lately. Unappeased. Vexed, if you would. Why? Could it be something at work that's bothering me? No, not really. I mean, there are things I don't enjoy about my job but those are not the source of my frustration. School troubles, perhaps? Besides procrastinating too much on my reading, school is going fine. Lady troubles then? Um, ...no.

I have been kind of frustrated spiritually lately. Really, I don't know how to explain it. I'm not frustrated with God or anything like that. I guess it may be more of being frustrated with myself or how my relationship is going with Him.

I know first hand that relationships are only as deep as the amount of time you invest in them. I have been reading my Bible more lately than I have in awhile. I have been praying more than I have in awhile.

I have been going to church, not that I believe church attendance has anything to do with spiritual growth. I mean, it can foster growth but it is not essential.

I know I don't feel challenged that much at church lately. Sometimes I get bored with the same messages over and over. How to Step Out in Faith. How to Put Others First. And so on. I mean, I have been hearing these things all of my life. I guess sometimes I think of the sermons at church as selfish, meaning that they are only telling me how "I" can become a better Christian. I am tired of living a faith that is just about how to better myself.

Sometimes my mind starts to wander while I am setting in church and I think, "There are children being recruited by rebel groups to kill in Africa and there are people alone on the streets in my very own city. What am I doing here listening to a message about How to Encourage Others when I should be out there right now trying to make a difference for God?"

It's very easy and comfortable to have a faith that just requires you to sit in a pew or chair at church. It's more challenging to get up and do something.

But that's the kind of faith I want to have. One that involves action. A kind of faith that makes a difference in the world. A kind of faith that reaches people and lifts them up. Not a passive faith that requires little effort on my part. I want an active faith that challenges me to actually do the things that Jesus would have me to do.

Committed

A few weeks ago I went to go speak at a devo for the guys in my old fraternity. The week before I went, I really had no idea what I wanted to speak about. I had talked to a friend a few days before I went and he suggested I talk about commitment. In the end, I decided not to talk about commitment but ever since then that word has been on my mind.

Commitment is a rare thing. It seems that being fickle almost comes natural.

Jesus addresses the concept of being committed alot in the gospels. There's His whole speech about hating your father and your mother. "Hey guys, you are either fully committed to me, or your not. You can't just dip you toes into the water or wade in the shallow end; you either need to dive in or get out of the pool."

Last night I was reading about when Jesus was sending out the disciples. He tells them they are going to be arrested and beaten and they still go. That's commitment.

I guess when you truly care about someone; you put them first no matter the cost. When you care about someone you are faithful and consistent. There's not a sense of being lukewarm or flighty.

You are either all in or all out. At least that's what Jesus understood a relationship with Him to be about. "There is no 'you love me' one day and 'you are not sure' the next. I'm either all or nothing."

Maybe He's saying something about how we should be in our relationships with others as well.
I tend to not see many things in black and white, except commitment. If I care about something or someone, I will show it by my devotion. If I am fickle, then I am showing how much this something or someone really doesn't matter to me.

I want to be more committed in my relationship with God. I want to be all in no matter what. I want to be more committed in other areas of my life as well.

Path of Least Resistance

Have you ever had one of those moments? The kind where you knew you were supposed to do something, but you didn't do it? I call them Adams. Why Adams, you ask? After Adam in the book of Genesis.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Nothing in life worth having comes without some kind of fight."I think this quote rings true in my life. Nothing worth having is easy.

The problem is my natural tendency is to take the easy road. I don't know if it's just a male thing or what, but the path of least resistance is often followed.

The problem with the path of least resistance is it leads nowhere.We want the fruits of labor without having to do the labor itself. We want the rewards with out the challenges. The victory without the fight. The good times without the sacrifice.

So why exactly did I throw Adam's name into all of this? Simple. Remember when Eve was tempted by the serpent? Well, where was Adam? Why didn't he step in and help Eve? Why didn't he speak up? Why didn't he do anything?

He watched the whole thing transpire, but did nothing. He was probably scared or thought "I just don't have what it takes." When he should have spoken up, he was silent.

Adam was in this relationship with Eve and yet he didn't want to risk himself in the relationship. He chose the easy way out.

Contrast Adam with Boaz in the book of Ruth. Boaz could have just let Ruth slip through his fingers, because lawfully she belonged to her next of kin after her husband died. But he didn't sit back in his own passivity. He spoke up.

I want to be more like Boaz and less like Adam. I don't want to follow the path of least resistance. I want to risk. I want to speak up. I want to face the obstacles head on.

Everything Happens for a Reason is Not That Comforting

Looking back on my life, I guess it's easy to see how God has worked. There have been times I have felt like Job, though. There have been times I have doubted what God was up to. To put it bluntly, there have been the questions of, "What the hell are you doing here God?" and "Where are You?" But there have also been times where I have known God would provide. There have been times where I have held tightly onto the idea that He was working despite the fact that I couldn't see Him.

I have had those "everything happens for a reason" moments along with asking those "why" questions too.

I was involved in a discussion after class the other night about the intervening of God in the lives of men. I know, very light subject indeed. Some of us had the idea that God was there, but He wasn't necessarily working in our everyday lives. That He was watching over us, but not playing with us like chess pieces. Some of us had the differing idea that God is very involved in our lives, orchestrating everything down to the smallest detail.I guess I lean more toward the belief that God is present and guiding me in my everyday life. I do believe in free will, though.

I do wrestle with this though. I mean, how do you tell a couple that is unable to bear children that "everything happens for a reason." How do you tell the widow who lost her husband in Iraq that "everything works together for good for those that love the Lord."

I have never been a fan of coincidence or chance. I do believe that there is a purpose for everything. Even though many times I question that purpose. I don't think my life is series of random events. I don't think that the people that I cross paths with simply come into my life (and I into theirs) because of luck.

But there are things that go on that cause me to doubt sometimes. Bad things do happen to good people. So does that mean that God made or allowed the bad things to happen?

Some things I can't explain and I'm okay with that. To me, God operates on a much grader scale than I do. If He has the creativity and intellect to create everything in existence, He should surely be way above my level. And if He is far above me in the way He does things, then there are probably going to be times I don't understand what He's up to.

I am finite, He is infinite. And I'm okay with that.

You First

Nate is my four year old cousin. I love that kid. He was adopted when he was 6 months old by my aunt and uncle who are in their 50s. Their children, who are like sisters to me, are grown and out of the house. So Nate is the baby of the family. (I used to hold this title until he came along. I am over it now though.) I love hanging out with Nate, probably because I am just a big kid. A big responsible kid who has a job and is in grad school. Lately though, Nate has been being kind of defiant. My aunt and uncle would tell him not to do something, and he would do it anyways, repeatedly. And laugh while he is doing it. Feeling more intellectual than I actually am, I tried to explain to my aunt and uncle the psychological reasoning behind my cousin’s recent behavior changes. (I need to remind myself more often that I am still studying psychology and I do not have all of the answers.)

Let me back track a second. Remember when I said that Nate was the baby of the family? Well let me rephrase that, he used to be. A little less than a year ago my cousin/sister (Nate’s sister) gave birth to her son Noah. So for about a year now, Nate hasn’t been the baby of the family. I explained to my aunt and uncle (as if I am wise or something) that Nate simply wants attention. He was used to being the center of attention because he was the youngest, and now he’s not. Now Noah is the center of attention and Nate will do anything he can to get attention – even if it means disobeying. It almost like Nate thinks he’s in some competition to gain attention. It’s been all about him for 3 ½ years and now he’s coming to understand that things have changed. And he doesn’t like it.

I can identify with Nate’s feelings a little. I mean, in some way we all seek attention. We all want to be noticed. We all want to seen as special in someone else’s eyes.

It seems unfair sometimes, that life is not about me. Life is not about what I want or need or how special I am. If life were about me I would always get what I wanted. I thought about this for awhile: What life would be like if it was all about me?

I would get bored pretty fast. I mean, if I got everything I ever wanted when I wanted it, it would get old. The feeling of anticipation for anything would be gone. Anxiety would never happen. And I think anxiety can be a good thing, if it is in the form of eagerness. It keeps you on your toes. And without being on your toes, you would be a sitting, lazy, dull sack of crap.

So life really can’t be about me, even though sometimes I wish it could. But if it’s not about me, then it has to be about something else of course. As Jesus said, life is about loving God and loving others. Period.

Think about this. God could have made this world into pretty much anything. He could have created a hell on Earth for humans. But He didn’t. He poured Himself into His creation so that we may enjoy it.

As the writer in Psalms says,
“You cause grass to grow for the livestock and plants for people to use.You allow them to produce food from the earth— wine to make them glad, olive oil to soothe their skin, and bread to give them strength.

He gave Himself, just as His son would later give Himself for the sake of others. Unselfishness.

I want to get to a point where I can look at anybody and say, “Life is not about me, it’s about you.” I’m not there yet. I still deal with selfishness on a daily basis. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in my life, trying to sort everything out and trying to arrange for a kind of life that I want to have. But there’s this whole other way of life that God presents. Whoever wants to gain life must first lose it. Die to yourself. His way is something that seems so strange and difficult, but I know during those moments where I am putting others before myself I get a glimpse of peace. When I am living a life not about myself, that’s when I can start to experience this kind of full life that God has in store.

If tell my cousin Nate that life is not about him, I doubt he will understand. “Nate no you cannot get your way. You just are not that important.” This is probably not good for a child’s self esteem. He would grow up with a lot of issues. But I know for myself, I need to be an example of how putting others first is a good way to live.

Stars

I was out on the beach the other night by myself. Sometimes I kind of like spending a little time alone, just collecting my thoughts. I am in no means anti-social or in the pre-stages of becoming a crazy hermit that lives in a cabin in the woods by myself. But just here lately it seems like those alone times in which I truly connect with God have been few and far between. It's so easy just to get wrapped up in everything going on and everyone around you, but sometimes it can be good just to sit back and rest.

Back to the beach story, so it was night, I was alone, and I was on the beach. The stars seemed unusually bright that night, partially because of the lack of clouds getting in the way. Also, the moon was not out. That's what they call a New moon. (Why 'new' moon? I mean I get 'full' moon but not 'new' moon. They should have used 'no' moon or 'absentee' moon.) Well, I laid back and tried to count the stars. I could not. There were too many. Some were brighter than others; some seemed to be closer together.

I was immediately reminded of the verse. But I had to go look it up later because though I may remember the emphasis of the verse, I am terrible at memorizing.
Psalm 8:3 "I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?" (The Message)

These things than shine in the night sky, these things that God says He can count each one and give them a name. These wonderful things He views as less important than we are. He can fashion such wonderful and awe inspiring things as stars but He still concerns Himself with us. Why? I know that sometimes I can be so stubborn. I can be selfish. I screw up so many times. I can be rude, unforgiving, and non chivalrous. ( I really hate it when I am non chivalrous.) Right now I am kicking myself because I recently acted like a total jerk to someone. Yet, despite all of our flaws, even though sometimes we don't shine as bright as the stars, God still wants a relationship with us.

Amazing.

I also thought about this while I looked at the stars. Every star had its own place in the night sky. Each one occupied its own territory. Some shined brighter than others. Some were closer together than others. But each one shined. And each one had it's role to play in being apart of the darkened sky. For a moment the stars reminded me of people. Not certain people per se, but just people in general. How we each have our own place in life. (insert cliche/cheesy sentence next) How we each have the ability to shine in our own way. How that even though we are all different individuals, we all are connected. We are all part of some larger story.

And then I thought of those people who live in a state of feeling alone. Those who would like to connect, but just don't know how. Those who feel like they are the dimmest in the sky. I guess these are the people who need to be shone the love of God.

Today

One of the most favorite people in my life is my grandmother. She is the only living grandparent I have. She is your typical Southern, conservative, set-in-her-ways type of woman. We talk alot mainly because I like to joke around with her. She has a good sense of humor. Also, whenever she has pushed some buttons on her tv remote and screwed it up, she calls me to talk her through getting it back working again.


Besides making chess bars, one of the things my grandmother does best is worrying. She worrys about everything. I would think that the older you get, the less you worry - but not in her case. One of her favorite sayings is, "Nothing good happens after dark." I don't know why she says this. She used to tell me this alot during college because I would always tell her about going out with friends. To me, alot of good things happen after dark, like Christmas caroling. I always ask her when I talk to her what's something new she's worrying about and she always has something new she's losing sleep over.


In the aspect of worrying, my grandmother and I differ very much. I don't really worry over things, or you will never get me to admit that I worry about things. I get concerned about things, but I just don't worry that much over them.


"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34.


"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now." As Rob Bell would say, "be fully present" wherever you are. This seems like such a foriegn concept soemtimes. There are those that live in the past. There are those that fret over the future. But Jesus says, "Slow down. Pay attention to the now. Don't get worked up over tomorrow or even yesterday. Live in what God is doing today."


I don't think that Jesus was saying that planning for the future is bad. There's nothing wrong with that. But I know the future is ultimately out of my hands and in His. So why should I worry over something that He has taken care of?


Last night we were talking in class about how death can be a motivator to act upon something. Whether it's reconciling a broken relationship, doing something you've always wanted to do, or asking that person out that has recently grabbed your attention; the idea that death could happen at any moment is a motivator to act on these things. This ties into the idea of living in the present- fully living in the present and taking advantage of every breathe you have been given- because we really never know how much longer we will have.

I know this all sounds cliche. "Live everyday to the fullest." But sometimes cliche things are true.


It seems that this whole idea of living for today is important to Jesus. I know for myself, sometimes I get too caught up in things I could've done or what I should've said. Sometimes, even though it's not that often, I get too troubled by what may happen or could take place tomorrow.

But the past is in the past. Learn from it, apologize about it, and move on.

The future is in the future. Plan for it, but realize it's ultimately out of your hands.

Today is today. The moment that God has given us right now is the moment we can use for Him. Today is when we can show others love. Today is when we can love our enemies. Today is when we can become closer to Him.

Having HOPE

Right now there seems like there is one theme that keeps repeating itself in my life. As if there is one word that God keeps telling me over and over again.

HOPE.

I had the opportunity to talk with a new friend of mine a few weeks ago about some of the things going on in her life. Yes, usually new friends don't talk about personal things early on in their friendship but she thought that maybe I could relate. She was dealing with some issues from her parents divorcing and was just trying to work some things out. One conclusion that we both came to is that what happened in the past does not have to keep affecting your future. The baggage from back then doesn't have to keep you from becomng who you want to be. There is HOPE.

I read an article the other day about the ex-gutarist for the rock band Korn. To make a long story short it was about how he found God, quit the band, and kicked his drug habit. I don't know what it's like to kick a drug habit, but I imagine it's hard. And I know that telling your friends that you no longer want to be apart of their group is hard too. But that's what he did. If you were to look at this guy 10 years ago, God would be the furthest thing from you mind. But God can break through the toughest barriers. Because of that, there is HOPE.

I have read the story of a pornstar who left that industry to pursue a life with God. She has past filled with abuse, shame, and a feeling of being unloved. But that's her past. Yes, her past is real but HOPE is real also.

I have my own issues I have dealt/am dealing with. I'm a work in progress. I am preparing a group presentation for class in which I am portraying a man going to see a therapist about his problems. A friend recently told me I would be good at playing the crazy person. I think she was joking. Well, it was kind of deep because some of the issues that are being dealt with in the presentation are things I have dealt with in my own life. It's been a great opportunity for me just to look back and see how far God has brought me. It's been an opportunity to for me to remember that there is HOPE.

Sure we live in a messed up world. A world where we see such things as poverty and excess, political corruption, religious persecution, human trafficking, terrorism, genocide, disease, the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the crisis in Darfur, Republicans attacking Democrats and Democrats attacking Repulicans, abortion, divorce, child molestation and abuse, and the list goes on. It's easy to forget about hope.

And we all have our our things to deal with too; we are all a little messed up in our own ways. We all have those wounds that have been dealt to us, those addictions that we just can't seem to break, those fears of rejection or failure or the past or the future or abandonment in which we live out of. We all have those relationships that have left their mark, those areas in which we seek forgiveness, those things that bring us shame, and those days where nothing seems to go our way. We all need HOPE.

There is HOPE. Hope for something better, hope for tomorrow, hope for things to be made right. We know that things aren't like they are suppossed to be, so we have hope that one day they will be made right. We know that we aren't like we are suppossed to be, so we hope we can become someone more. One thing I know of, one thing that I can say without a single doubt, is that there is HOPE in Him. He is sure, steady, and always true. God is Hope.

"God, the one and only— I'll wait as long as he says. Everything I hope for comes from him, so why not? He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I'm set for life." Psalm 62:5

My Relationships with Roxanne and Jesus

Let me take you back to eighth grade. Middle school. Ah, those were the days. I was quite a different person back in 8th grade. Inside and out. Straight A's, Academic Decathlon team, 8th grade Science Award. Yeah, that was me. To top it all off, I wore glasses. When you are in middle school and smart and you wear glasses, for some reason you get the label of being a nerd. (I guess being a Star Trek fan was a factor as well.) I was also really skinny. I'm not a huge guy now by any means, but I was like a skeleton back then.

There was this girl in my homeroom. Let's call her Roxanne. Roxanne was great. Smart, funny, pretty, nice, & popular. If you were a boy in the eighth grade, you had a thing for Roxanne. She was just it. Roxanne and I were friends. Not best friends or anything. But because she was a nice girl, she would always talk to me. I had liked girls before Roxanne. Like the girl named Michelle in 1st grade. We would squirt glue on each other. That's how you get a girl's attention in 1st grade, you squirt Elmer's in her eye. Then there was Stacy in 5th grade. She had blonde poofy hair that for some reason I found attractive.

But Roxanne was different for me. I mean, I was in 8th grade so I was practically a grown man and all. There was a Valentine's Day dance coming up and I wanted to ask her to go with me to it. So I made of list of things I had to do so she would go with me. 1. Talk to her. 2. Make her laugh. 3. Wear a gallon of my dad's cologne every day. 4. Buy her the new Boyz II Men cd. I did everything on my list. So I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance, to which she replied, "We are such good friends; I think we should just stay friends." Which really means, "Are you serious? No, I'm too cool for you." My first endeavor into the world of relationships had been crushed by the notorious Friend Zone. I still have bitter feelings toward the Friend Zone.

So what did I do wrong with Roxanne? I did everything on my list. I followed every step exactly. Maybe that was my problem.

I have a relationship with Christ. I'm not dating Christ or anything like that. He's married to the Church. It's hard to explain my relationship with Him. I mean, it's hard to put into words any relationship. Relationships are just something you have to experience, are they not? The definition of relationship, an emotional or other connection between people, really doesn't do that great of a job explaining relationships. As Christians, we like to use the word Evangelism when explaining how we invite others to have a relationship with Christ.

Evangelism is a funny word. You go to most Protestant churches and you will find the phrase, "...to evangelize the lost" in their mission statement. Of course we have all heard of the "Evangelical Church." Basically the term is based on the emphasis of sharing the story of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection with a non-believer. Witnessing to the 'lost.'

Sometimes the word 'evangelize' bothers me though. Sometimes the word makes me think of negative things. Sometimes when I think of the word 'evanglize', I think of a check list of things you have to do to become a Christian. In our society, we like our steps and our rules. We like guidelines and things we can check off. Sometimes I think the whole idea of 'evangelizing the lost' has been hijacked by a bunch of people who have turned it into some kind of process. Step A. Read this verse. Step B. Say this prayer. Step C. Get dunked underwater by the pastor. It makes it seems so rigid and so cold.

And when telling someone about Christ, evangelizing, I need to ask myself what I am really doing. Am I giving some person a list of steps they have to follow or am I inviting them into a relationship. As I learned with Roxanne, there are no steps in relationships. (You were wondering how I was going to tie that in.) It's not some systematic process. I have met people before who said the knew Jesus was God and they knew His whole story, but they just weren't ready to follow Him yet. The could check off everything on the list, but didn't want to become a Christian. This means it's not just some system. Becoming a Christian is entering into a relationship. Presenting the Gospel of Christ as some sort of list of steps or a type of process to follow is pretty much something a Pharisee would do. And we know that Jesus' way was different from what the Pharisees were doing.

I have never found in the Bible the list of steps you have to take to become a Christian. My Bible doesn't have any checklists in it at all. So where did the "How to Become a Christian" process come from? I don't know. I do know that what I have with Him is a relationship. And like any relationship, there are no checklists...it's simply all about the journey together.

Why I Wanted to Be Bob Barker

It’s kind of cool growing up in an entertainment town. Nashville is not as big as L.A. or New York, but there tends to be something happening every night of the week. And it’s usual to run into some celebrity when you are out on the town. And if you don’t run into someone famous, you will probably meet a bunch of people who think they are famous or are trying to become famous. At times, it seems like everyone here is a “musician.” I think 82% of the males in this town between the ages of 18-35 claim to play the guitar.

I wanted to be famous; well i used to.

I thought about becoming an actor. I think I’d be really good. I’d be good at pretending to be someone other than myself. I could get used to making a lot of money. I also wanted to be a TV game show host. I really wanted Bob Barker’s job on The Price is Right. I wanted his 70s style microphone/wand thing. And all of the old ladies who come up on stage and kiss me on the cheek, I mean who wouldn’t want that job?

If I became famous, I’m afraid I would get too wrapped up in myself. Maybe that’s why God hasn’t let it happen. I think most people have a desire to be somebody. I think most people wouldn’t mind being recognized for what they do. We all, in some way, seek the attention of others. We all have our own times when we say, “Look at me. Look how cool I am. Look at how attractive I am. Look at how funny I am. Look at how much higher I am on the social ladder than you.” Most people in some way struggle with vanity.

Honestly, I can’t turn on MTV anymore.

I really just get bothered by everything on there. Cribs. Seriously? If I watch this, I just become envious. I need a sub zero fridge filled to the brim with nothing but Crystal and a garage filled with way too many cars. All of those “reality” shows about beautiful people and their day to day drama. I just really don’t care about who broke up with who. I can’t even get a date myself, why would I care about somebody’s love life who lives in a house with 7 strangers? It seems like nothing but a bunch of people promoting themselves and telling me if I want to achieve a higher status I need to live like they are living.

Self promotion. It’s the idea of me showing others how great I am. You know, all of my writings, in all honesty I give credit to God. And if anything positive is taken from them I truly believe its God’s doing and not my own. But at the same time there is something in me that wants people’s attention. There is something in me that wants the approval of others.

It’s a struggle. Constantly.

I always have to evaluate my motives because I don’t want to get too caught up in “how great I am.”

And there’s this idea that if you don’t have this certain product, or you don’t look like this certain person, or that you don’t make this amount of money…well then you just are not that important. And most of us fall for it because we want to be important.

I like what John the Baptist said about Jesus. “He must become more important. I must become less important.” He had the right idea.

It’s about Him.

It’s not about me. It’s not about how great I am. It’s not about how good I look. It’s not about how much money I have. It’s not about how well I can sing or play the guitar. It’s not about how well I can write or how many things I can get published. It’s all vanity and it all leads to nowhere.
I want to decrease more often, so He can increase more often.

Christian Nudists

I find the stroy of Adam and Eve pretty fascinating. There only being two people on Earth. No one else. No bosses to watch over you at work. No bad drivers on the road. The activity of people-watching (which is a favorite of mine) hadn't been invented yet. Imagine living here with just your significant other. Soulmates. I doubt jealousy was that big of a deal in their relationship. I mean, really who else was there for your mate to talk to? To top it all off, they're naked. In the buff. Letting it all hang out. It wasn't dirty or sinful. Pure. Without shame. No embarassment. Just, "This is me and this is you. We are naked and unashamed."

(Actually this reminds me of an amusing article I read the other week about Christian nudists.)

I wear clothes sometimes. I mean, usually I have to. I probably wouldn't have a job if I didn't. This leads me to the question, why do we wear clothes? Forget the aspect of sexuality and lust. Why do we really wear clothes?

Most of us have things we don't like about our body. Let's be honest. I work out 4 days a week, but I don't think of myself as having this perfect physique. We are self conscience beings who want to hide our flaws. That's why we wear clothes. Who determines exactly what flaws are, though? Who says that looking a certain way is desirable?

Who tells me how to be me?

That's the main question I am getting at. Who tells me that in order for me to be acceptable I have to act this way or dress this way?

Anytime I give someone the ability to determine who Matt is, I give them authority that is not theirs. My senior research paper in college was on the negative effects of advertising. Chiseled faces, six-pack abs, big boobs, and a model like bodies apparently sell products. They also sell us lies. They say, "This image is the standard. This is what you should wear. This is how you should act. This is what you should look like." And we fall for the trap. We give someone else the ability to define who we are.

And it's not just physical things. We have all adjusted who we are to impress someone at some point in our lives. Most guys will do it at some point for some girl and most girls will do it at some point for some guy. I have tried to adjust my personality at some point to try to impress a girl. It didn't work. It never does. I once knew a girl who dated a friend of mine and she agreed with everything he said. She didn't have any opinions of her own. This really annoyed me.

Adam never had GQ magazine to tell him how to look. Eve never had an image of a Playboy model to live up to. So what or who defined them? Adam couldn't define Eve because she was the only woman he had ever met. She was his standard for womanhood. And he was hers for manhood. So how were they defined?

God defined Adam and Eve. He created them in His image. He determined their true identity. He instilled in them the standard to live up to. No one else. Just Him. Eugene Peterson translates it best in The Message when he says, "God spoke: 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature' ...God created human beings; he created them godlike, reflecting God's nature."

I was created to reflect Him. I wasn't created to reflect the image that's on front of a magazine. I wasn't created to reflect a different personality than the one He uniquely gave me. I was created so that He could define my life. I want to stop having standards for others. I don't want to think that for someone to be higher on my own list of importance they have to look a certain way or act a certain way or even make a certain amount of money. (This is not to say physical attraction is not important. God gave us physical attraction to others for a reason. But physical attraction is from God and not outside things telling you what is beauty and what is not.) I want to see the reflection of God in others.

Naked and unashamed they were. Because God defined Adam and He defined Eve.

Seeking Counsel

I began grad school the other day. A new chapter in my life. A chapter that I have wanted to start for the past year and a half. Now it is actually happening.

It was around 1 1/2 years ago when i felt like I heard God telling me to pursue this path of counseling. It wasn't like I awoke one morning to His thunderous voice telling me to pursue a career of helping people work through their problems. A friend would toss out a random comment like, " Hey, you'd be a great counselor." Family members would ask me for advice on problems they were dealing with. And as these things were happening, a interest inside me began to grow for this pursuit. I remember one day looking through a bunch of writings of mine and I realized that alot of them had to do with getting over problems and issues in my own life and what I have learned from them.

So I knew counseling was the path, but I had no idea where to begin. I knew I would have to go back to school, but I didn't know where. Now, let me say something. I wasn't exactly the model student during my undergrad years. I didn't fail any courses or anything. My grades were just average. I think I was more concerned with the social aspects of college. I guess I have changed alot since then. I like to read, and write, and learn, and think. And now that I have no social life, I will have alot more time to study. (okay. I have a social life, but it's not so great that it will cause me to study less.)

It was basically a series of God shutting and opening the right doors that lead me back to my undergrad university for grad school. Back when I decided I wanted to pursue counseling, my college didn't even have a graduate program in professional counseling. While trying to figure out where to go to school, they announced they were starting a program.

He provides.

And looking back now I can see how He has guided me to this new chapter over the last ten years. With all of the messed up things that came along with my parents divorcing, it's just a reminder to me that He can bring good things out of negative situations. He can bring life to the broken. He's in the redeeming business.

So that's where I am. I am actually looking forward to learning all of these new things. I'm not jumping-on-the-bed excited or anything, but I am looking forward to it. The other people in the class seem interesting too. Being around good people is always a plus.

I'm ready for this chapter. At least, I think I'm ready. He is good.

The Realness Of Being Fake

I read an article the other day. The article was about young adults who grew up going to church, but now they are in their 20s and they don’t go anymore. Catchy, right? The article went further than just saying that a bunch of twentysomethings are leaving the church. It said that a bunch of twentysomethings are leaving their faith.

I liked the article. I am not saying that I like the fact that many people my age are choosing not to have faith in God. I like that the article was written.

I am a twentysomething myself. Twenty-five, actually. So I am exactly a mid-twentysomething. I can relate to many things that were said in the article by the twentysomethings who no longer have faith in God. I mean, I still have faith and all, but I understand how they feel.

Mainly the article equates that the absence of faith in these young adults is due to a lack of discipleship in many churches. Other factors are explained such as: The Church is very good at instructing children and teenagers on what the right answers are, but does little to engage on applying the answers to everyday life.

Still, sometimes today I get tired of going to church. I grew up in the Bible Belt. I grew up going to a traditional, southern, conservative church. I know all about church. I love the Church as a whole. I love the sense of community and family that it promotes. But as I said earlier, sometimes I get tired of going to church.

In the article, a girl is interviewed about how she grew up in a Christian home (just like myself), she was very involved in her youth group (just like myself), and she attended a Christian club at her high school (I helped start one at my school). And to sum up the rest of her story, she lost her faith because due to a lack of fellowship with other believers after she moved. I have been there. Feeling disconnected. Sometimes it feels like I am there now. It’s hard not to feel disconnected when you are the only single guy in a couples Bible study class.

I feel I can read people pretty well. I am not saying that people are easy to understand. People are quite difficult. Christians are the hardest people to read though. There is not that much transparency in the Church. I know this because I am a Christian and being transparent is one thing I struggle the most with. I think this whole transparency issue, a lack of authenticity, is what caused me to stray away from the Church for a few years. I grew up seeing people put on their Sunday Church masks and I grew up learning how to put on my own. I grew up learning the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong, but I never learned why. I grew up being taught that the Church was supposed to be a community of believers experiencing life together (not just on Sundays), but I didn’t have that many people disciple me Monday thru Saturday.

To be honest, that’s one thing that still bothers me. When church gets to be about how many people we can get in the seats, or how many people can we get saved/baptized, or how many hands we can shake on Sunday mornings. (Honestly, I get annoyed by those hand-shakers who shake my hand every Sunday, but don’t even know my name.) When I look at the New Testament church, I see a family. People eating with each other, people encouraging each other during difficult times, people being REAL with each other. No masks of self-righteousness. No fakers. No phonies. Okay, maybe there were some churches that dealt with self-righteousness, but that’s not what church was intended to be.

Deep down, my desire is to just be real. I want to be the same on Sunday as I am on Friday night. I don’t want to pretend to be more spiritual than I am, or pretend like I have all the answers. I don’t want to pretend like everything is going great, when I feel just like giving up. I want to be transparent. I want to go to Bible Studies and Sunday school classes where I can wrestle over issues with others instead of another teacher telling me what’s right and what’s wrong. I want engagement. I want to engage.

I wanted to share this story from my high school years. I went through 3 youth pastors when I was a teenager. I remember when my parents split up that the youth pastor at that time didn’t even talk with me about it. I don’t have some grudge against him or anything. I am just stating that I felt overlooked. There was no connection, no engagement, and it really affected me negatively for awhile. There are so many people in the Church who are hurting and yet most of the time no one even knows about it. I’m not saying that pastors should deeply engage everyone. We would need many more pastors. I am saying that maybe I could help others if I took off my mask a little more and invested in others outside of church. Maybe we could all be a little more real. Then we wouldn’t be afraid to let down our guard and invest in each other any day of the week.

Christian Bowling (How I Created My Own Christian Bubble)

"Christian Bowling." I think I cringed a little bit last week when I heard the announcement at church about forming a team for a Christian bowling league. What exactly is Christian Bowling, was my first thought. Is it it like regular bowling, except with an added prayer before each roll of the ball? Instead of Rock and Roll playing on the jukebox, are there hymns belted out by a choir?

But in all seriousness, what makes Christian bowling...Christian?

I have no answer.

I know I don't like the thought of a Christian bowling league. To me, a Christian bowling league says, "We think we are too good to be in a regular bowling league, so we will form our own." I guess this shouldn't surprise me, though. We as Christians have been forming our own little 'Bubbles' for years. We have our Christian schools, our Christian colleges (which I even attened), our Christian music , our Christian radio stations, our Christian books, Christian tv stations, and even our "Christian" political leaders. (I thought the quotation marks around Christian were needed when talking about politicians.) It seems sometimes that we are more exclusive when we should be more inclusive. But I am not going to go off on a tangent here. I want to share about my own little bubble.

I know I have shared this before, but I wasn't too concerned with God for a few years during college. I mean I believed in God and all, but I was more concerned with what I wanted rather than what He wanted. I loved God, but He wasn't high on my priority list. Around the end of my college years, my priorities started to change. I started to change. God became more and more a priority in my life. I wanted to follow Him more and more. And with any change, you have to figure out what to do with the past?

I created my own Christian bubble. I guess because I had this past, and now I didn't want to be associated with anything from it. This includes people. I stopped hanging around with old friends. It's not that my old friends weren't Christian; they just were Christian enough. (whatever that means)

I am at a different place now, outside of the Christian bubble I created. I have found I can breathe easier out here. I don't have thoughts like, "Oh I can't go to a party because there will be drunk people there and I can't associate myself with that." I don't think, "I can't be friends with these people because they are not spiritual enough." I really don't care if other people see me hanging out in a non-Christian environment. As a friend recently wrote to me, "That's why I have found it so easy to enjoy the company of unbelievers...they know they are messed up and don't try to hide it...they are more real than we are...they don't flaunt being "more spiritual."

It's funny because I feel that for most Christians I am either too Christian or not Christian enough. (again, whatever that means.) I know that some Christians judge me because I don't think alcohol, dancing, and wearing jeans to church are sins. And on the other hand, some judge me because I am actually not afraid to say I love Jesus and I want Him to be my first priority.

I know I don't want to be in a Christian bubble again. I know I don't want to seperate myself from the rest of the world.

I just want to be more like Jesus.

I want to go places that the religious folk don't think I should go. And be friends with the people the religious folk say I shouldn't hang around. But I still want to be known as a man after God's own heart.

In the world, but not of it. Just like Jesus.

I want to be a follower of Christ in just a regular bowling league.

Trusting

Most of the time when I write one of these things it’s for the purpose of sharing something I have learned from my own experiences. I have experienced a lot and God has taught me so many things through my own past. This is not one of those pieces. This is not something from my past or something that God has taught me. This is something current. This is something fresh and real to me. It’s easier to talk about the past. This is a little more difficult because it is something I am going through right at this moment. It’s funny how that works. For me to talk about a present struggle, I am admitting that I don’t have every thing figured out. I don’t have all of the answers. And admitting that I mess things up all the time puts me in a vulnerable position, but it’s a real one. How many of us actually like to admit to out own sin? Whenever I read other Christian writers I always have the impression that they are some sort of spiritual giants without their own mistakes. I always think of those people as really godly and pretty much without sin. Recently, I have tried to do away with the labels within Christianity. There aren’t spiritual giants and spiritual weaklings. There are only people. Real people with real mistakes and real triumphs.

Well, I guess I should move onto my current struggle. It’s trust. I know I have admitted before that it is easier for me to trust God than it is to trust people. People are faulty and they do eventually let you down. But the truth is, sometimes I don’t trust God. We were reading about trusting God today in church and all of this just hit me. We were actually reading about delighting in God. You know the verse, “Take delight in God and He will give you your hearts desires.” The whole passage is in Psalm 37 if you want to look it up. But it also talks about trusting in God. After we talked a little about trusting in God to provide, that’s when I started thinking. I don’t trust God that much.

Like I said, it is really hard for me to trust people. People have let me down many times and I guess it has just affected me. I don’t want to be like this. It’s something that has gotten better over the past year, but I still have some trust issues. And it seems like when I start to let those walls down, the trust is broken and I am right back where I started. But I am far better about this than I was, I promise. Trusting God. Sometimes it’s just hard for me to actually trust Him. I mean, it sounds good and like the right Christian thing to say. “I trust God.” But how many of us actually do?

Do I actually trust God that He will provide for me? Do I trust that God will take care of certain situations? Do I trust that God in going back to get my masters? Will He provide a counseling job for me when I get out of school? Do I trust God in pursuing relationships? Do I actually trust that one day He will guide me to the woman He wants me to marry? We all have our own questions. I know sometimes I try to work things out myself. Sometimes I just feel that God is too busy to handle my problems, so I shouldn’t trust Him to take care of them. He’s got other kids who are way more important to Him than me. I mean seriously. I come from a broken home, I probably have failed for Him more times than I have succeeded, and I don’t read my Bible everyday. Sometimes I don’t consider myself to be high on God’s priority list so why should I just trust Him.

I know what the Bible says about trusting God. I know that He says He will never abandon me. I know that He says He knows my name. I know that God says He upholds me with His hand. I know that He says He will take care of me. I know all of these things, but sometimes I just don’t live like I believe they are true. The thing is, deep down, I know they are true. In my soul, I know that God loves me and will take care of me. That’s the hard part about living a life for Him, there is a difference in knowing things and actually living things. To live my life trusting in Him is hard. I am so used to having my own back and trying to arrange things for my own life. But I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to actually trust Him with every aspect of my life. As far as the trusting other people issue, I’m sure He’ll work with me on that…

Child of Divorce

“Hi. My name is Matt and my parents are divorced.” No, I am not in some support group for people who come from broken homes. Maybe I ought to be though. I was 15 when my parents divorced. I always read things about children who think it is their fault that their parents divorced. I never thought it was my fault. I never asked, “Did Daddy leave because of me?” That blaming myself thing never happened to me. That’s not to say my parent’s divorce didn’t affect me. It did. It took me awhile to figure out how it affected me. For awhile, I didn’t even know that it did. There are probably still some hidden issues that it caused in my life, but I think I have found most of them and dealt with them.

I know at first I doubted the whole area of relationships. Can healthy loving relationships actually be real or are they something you only read about? (Personally, I have never read about any of those. I mean, there are those fairy tales and all…but they are make believe.) I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day about conflict in relationships. He actually said that conflict is what keeps the relationship interesting. Maybe I should rephrase that. Differences are what keep the relationship interesting. If you agree on everything then it gets boring pretty fast. I listened to Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) talk about the elements of story the other day. He also said that conflict is what keeps a story interesting. Without conflict in a story we are left with something like, “Bob went to the beach. The weather was nice. He ate a good lunch. He played a game of volleyball. It ended in a tie.” See, no conflict or struggle or differences equals boring. I used to have this tendency to shy away from conflict in a relationship. Probably stemming from my parents divorce. I guess I thought that a conflict would lead to an ending of the relationship as it did with my parents. Now I know that there are always going to be differences in any relationship. Come on, you are two completely unique individuals becoming one…that is bound to cause conflict. I guess the main thing is working through the differences. A healthy relationship is not agreeing all the time or being exactly the same; it’s working together despite the differences.

I remember reading an article in a Christian magazine a few years ago. It was on dealing with being a child of divorce and how that affects your own relationships in your adult years. I knew it to be true. My parents divorce did affect my future relationships in a negative way. Thankfully, I realized this during college and with God’s help have been getting over the issues. I guess the main thing I dealt with is a fear of rejection. You know, pushing others away before they had a chance to reject me…this way at least I felt in control. But I wasn’t in control. The fear was in control. And once I realized that I didn’t want to live out of this fear, I had to come to terms that to pursue a relationship meant risk. Risk making mistakes, risk to be rejected. My favorite quote is this…"Nothing in life worth having comes without some kind of fight." (Bruce Cockburn) I believe that we can substitute the word risk in for fight and it still be true. Nothing in life worth having comes without some kind of risk.

There have been more things I have had to deal with over the years. Being too independent is one. Going through my parents divorce left me with this attitude that I will not need anyone because they will eventually let me down. The only problem with this is that when you don’t need anyone, no one needs you. Yes, being independent can be good in some instances. But God designed me to desire relationship. Independence and relationship seem to work against each other. One more thing I have had to deal with is handling with the flaws of others. I am not sure if this has developed from being a child of divorce or not. Probably so. Probably something like, “I have always been quick to point out the faults in potential relationship partners because this way I would have an excuse not to get close to them,” or something to that affect. I’ll have to research this more while I am studying counseling. But yeah, making excuses and pointing out dumb flaws is another thing. I guess that could fall under the fear of rejection category. Pushing others away before they got too close. I heard this somewhere before, probably a movie, but I like it. “There are always a million reasons not to do something.” I can always make excuses. But I know I don’t want to make excuses anymore.

Well, that’s a peek into what it’s like being a child of divorce. If you’re not one of us, you probably will come across one of us. And if you do, remember these things because children of divorce mostly have the same issues. Don’t think that we are messed up because we all are kinda jacked up in our own ways. If you can relate to the things I have said, I hope you have talked to someone about these things. You cannot get through them on your own. That’s all for now…

His Story, My Story, Your Story

I read a story today about a man I go to church with. I don't know him personally; I know who he is and I know his children and all. It was a good story, good enough to get me thinking and writing. Well, there was an article written about him and his wife because they opened up a thrift store. Their thrift store donates its profits to missionaries. That's not the part of the article that I enjoyed though. The part I liked was about the man. He said he had been a wild man for many years, addicted to marijuana and alcohol. He said he and his wife had separated about three years ago. He said he had his own battles that he was living in. The article then goes onto say that one night he prayed for help, and Jesus answered. Since then he and his wife have reconciled, and he is fully committed to following Him.

I absolutely love peoples' stories. I love hearing about God transforming lives and peoples' encounters with Him. To me, this is a central part of the Gospel. You see, I grew up with this belief that the Gospel is some list of things you have to do or believe to get to Heaven. And in a sense, maybe some of that is true. But the Gospel is so much more than that. One thing that I have learned is that we are all broken. We are all in the same boat. There are not groups of people who are super-spiritual and those who are not. We all have our own battles and pain that we have to deal with. We all have our own addictions that we need saving from.

When I look at Jesus, when I read His message, I hear this, "Okay, you can try to do life without me, but it's not going to work out that great. You will be in pain. You will be lost. You will be enslaved. You will only find despair. Have a relationship with me. I will show you a better way, My way. I will heal your pain. I will guide you when you feel lost. I will set you free from sin and from the Law. I will give you hope. I will be because I Am." He is about changing lives. He is about restoring souls to the glory they we're meant to have.

You see, somewhere down the line becoming a follower of Christ got a bad rap. Holy Rollers, Bible Thumpers and Conservative Evangelicals are the terms thrown out there. Somewhere down the line His message was watered down where we could just go to church and follow certain guidelines (only when we felt like it). Sometimes we live like we don't even know who He is, then just go to church on Sunday morning like everything is okay. Sometimes we like to call ourselves His children, but we really could care less about actually following Him with our lives. I say this as someone who has lived this way before. I say this with true concern and love. This is not what following Him is about.

I too have my own story of how He healed my soul. I have my own story of how He impacted my life. I have my own story to share. I believe our personal stories can have a greater impact on the world than some list of guidelines. Yes, things in the Bible are important but they seem so rigid when they are not used personally. And when I tell my story or when the man at my church tells his story, we do it because we're saying that this can happen in anyone's life too. He is greater than any sin I have in the past. He is greater than any wound that was dealt to me. He is greater than any doubt or fear I have. He is better than any addiction that enslaves me. He is all this and more, and He waits for each of us to come to the realization that we can't do life without Him. We were never meant to live away from our Father. He wants to be apart of our story.

Random Thoughts on Dating

So my Bible Study class at church is weird. I know that’s an awkward way to start this out, but it’s true. The class is weird. It’s not that the people in the class are weird. They aren’t. They are pretty normal; as normal as anyone else is anyways. I mean normal in the sense of they have jobs and are married and all. That last part, the thing about all of them being married, I guess that’s what makes the class weird. “Wait Matt, you’re not married so why are you in the class?” And that is certainly a great question, and I guess me being the single guy in a couples class is what makes the class weird. From my standpoint, I bring something different to the class. It’s great for me, I think, because I get to learn from all of these married people. You know, if you want to learn about something that you have never experienced, it is best to learn from those who have. Also, whenever I need relationship advice, which is not often, I have a bunch of married guys to talk to. (I say not often not in the sense of I am a pro in the relationship area, but as in I have no need for advice because of my lack of being in a relationship.) I wouldn’t ask a single friend about relationship advice because that’s like letting a blind person drive you around town – a wreck is bound to follow and soon. The Bible says a wise man seeks the counsel of others. I think this verse can be applied to relationship counsel. I have learned a lot from my friends, but also God has taught me a lot during my time spent in singleness. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you examine something from afar off. But then again, I have also learned things from the relationships in my past as well.

One thing I have learned about relationships is that it’s best when they are intentional. I know that sounds weird and all, but give me a sec. When I say intentional, I don’t mean that I am going to go up to a girl and say “Hi. We are dating now. 4 months from today I will propose and exactly 3 months from then we will be married.” That’s the kind of talk that would creep a woman out. Intentional dating is having some sort of plan, but also not having it all planned out. I guess it’s not casual. I am not a fan of casual dating, though I used to be. Most of the time someone gets attached and feelings get hurt…that’s why I can’t support casual dating anymore. Usually dating is something like, “Hey, we are going to be together until something better comes along or I get bored.” To me, this kind of dating isn’t all that great either. I don’t think Jesus would lend his support to regular dating. I guess I don’t have some set definition for intentional dating, but I know what it is not. It is not casual and it’s not selfish. It is not avoiding a DTR, defining the relationship, conversation.

I used to fear the DTR, now I think it is essential. When there’s not one, someone is always left wondering where they stand because the communication is not clear. I think the defining should rest on the shoulders of the man. Being a man, I gotta step up and lead.

I’m not that old fashioned when it comes to roles in relationships or anything. I mean, I typically don’t think that a woman’s place is cooking, cleaning, and popping out babies. I do think men need to be the initiators when it comes to relationships. In Proverbs it says that a man who finds a wife finds what is good. The guy is the one finding. He’s the one initiating. He’s the one pursuing. Why? Because a good woman has worth. Things of worth don’t just fall into your lap. Every other Friday money just doesn’t magically appear in my bank account without me doing anything to earn it. I have to work for it. So ladies, if I had to say something to you it would be that it’s okay – even good – to be a little hard to get. Don’t go all into playing head games with the guy, but ladies you are worth something so let him show you what he’s willing to do to have something of worth. A good and godly man will want to show a woman he is interested in that she is valuable to him.

One more thing on my mind. I used to have this mindset that there were things I had to get accomplished before I wanted to be married. Like be out of school, financially stable, and such. My thoughts have changed recently. I said before that it would great to save money while you are single that way you could bring something into a marriage, and I think this is true. You know, right now I could say that I want to get finished with grad school and be stable as a counselor before I am married, but I am not going to say that. After I accomplished those things I would probably come up with another list of things I thought I had to get out of the way. Sure if I was finished with school and very successful, pursuing a marriage would be easier. But there are always going to be things to overcome in every relationship, no matter how long you are in life. Fact is, I can always come up with tons of reasons not to do something; I can always make excuses. And I think one big thing in relationships is learning to get through things together.

That’s really all of the thoughts I have for now and feel free to disagree. Live blessed and walk in love…

Singled Out (yes, this is a cheesy title off an old game show...really this is about being single.)

You want to know something personal about me? I want to get married and have a family one day. It’s something I really want. I want to have a wife to take care of and provide for. I want children who I can play with and be there for. That’s just how God made me. It is a desire He set inside my heart. But what if this doesn’t come true? What if I never get married and I never have any children? What if I am single my whole life? Can I cope with that? Will my life still have any meaning? Can I still be happy?

I remember talking to an exgirlfriend of mine about these issues about 4 years or so ago. (Funny thing, we were actually exes then and we were talking about these things. So for all of you out there, you can actually be friends with someone you used to date. You don’t have to be on bad terms.) She told me that since these desires to have a wife and kids came from God, then He would be sure to carry them out. I think this is true because my desires aren’t selfish or anything. I don’t think He answers all of our desires though. If I desired a Bentley, God wouldn’t give it to me just because I desired it. But unselfish and honorable desires, I believe He likes those. But I am not God. I cannot say what He will do. And most of all I can’t make Him do anything. He’s not a genie in a magic lamp who I pray to and He grants me wishes. He’s God; and for Him to be God- well He has to be able to do whatever He sees fit. So I have to wrestle with the possibility that I could be single for the rest of my life.

I know people that would say their biggest fear is to be single for the rest of their life. How do they handle this fear? Either A) They fall too early too soon for someone because they just want to be in a relationship and they don’t care who it’s with. B) They jump from relationship to relationship just trying to avoid anytime being single. They identify their worth on whether they are with someone (marriage is not the major league and singles the minor league.) C) They are in some dead end relationship with someone they shouldn’t be with but they lack the courage to end it. To me, if I can’t be single and at peace about it, then I am saying that my happiness is not based on Him. If my fear is being single for the rest of my life, then I am saying that He is not enough.

So right now I am single. What am I supposed to do while I am in this time during my life? Well, since I would like to have a family one day I probably should prepare myself for one. Take responsibility, be a man, don’t do stupid boyish things. I think one of the best things for someone to do who wants a family but is single is to start financially preparing. You know, I am probably not going to give a dowry to my wife’s father but I do want to bring financial stability to my wife. I don’t want to be up to my ears in debt and have no way of earning an income. It would be awesome if one day I could say to the woman I marry, “Before we met I started spending responsibly and saving so that now I can buy us this house.” Another thing a single person can do while they are single is to get a plan for your life. What do you want to do? Me, I have figured that God wants me to become a counselor, so I am pursuing that. When you have a plan, you actually bring something to a relationship. Ladies correct me if I am wrong, but it is not attractive for a guy to just be clueless on his future. I am not saying that single people need to have their whole life planned out, but seek out a direction in which you think He wants you to go and go after it. Being single is not a time to just sit around and be wasted. Relationships, particulary marriage, are for men and not for boys, and for women not for girls. So grow up.

Being single is not a bad thing. There is so much you can accomplish for Him that married people just can’t do. On the other hand, marriage is also a good thing. I don’t know how long God will allow me to be single. It’s up to Him. I am not just sitting around waiting for Him to drop a wife in my lap. Proverbs says that a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Finds means that the man actually has to be looking for a wife. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that I should just be jumping from girl to girl either. The whole idea of pursuing is a whole piece in itself. But for my single folks, if you believe God has marriage in your future start preparing for it. And for my people who are dating, make sure you are dating for the right reasons. Don’t be afraid of being single. If you have been with him or her for a year and you’re not sure if they are the one, get out of the relationship. Well I guess that’s all for now. Live blessed and walk in love…

All About Relationships (Dating and Following Christ)

I have been reading alot about relationships recently. Relationships have been at the forefront of my mind a lot. I have had many talks about relationships with people recently. Why? It’s just one of those things in life that interest me. If I could choose one word to sum up everything about life, it would be relationships. Relationship with God, relationships with others, relationship with yourself; these are the things life revolves around right? These are the things that can send us to the mountaintops as well as the valleys. As Jesus said, the most important things are loving God and loving others as you love yourself. I have learned a lot from my relationships. They have each played a role in shaping me. Right now I just want to focus on man and woman relationships, more specifically dating and such.

There are tons of terms out there having to do with a relationship between a man and a woman. Courting, Dating, a mixture of the two is Dorting (no joke), Casual Dating, ‘Hanging Out’, Hooking Up, Friends with Benefits, and there are probably some more I am leaving out. Because this following Jesus thing is a lifestyle, it’s gonna influence all areas of my life including my opposite sex relationships. If I am taking my relationship with Him seriously, then how I ‘date’ or ‘court’ or ‘whatever’ will be influenced by Him.

So what exactly does this mean following Christ and dating? How does my relationship with Him influence my relationship with her…or him if you are a girl? There are so many ideas floating around out there in the Christian sub culture about these issues. There are numerous books on How to Date like Jesus (exaggeration), and Courting is of God and Dating is of the Devil. I do believe that the Bible does have great advice when it comes to ‘dating’, but I don’t think there is a list of guidelines you have to follow. I do not plan on giving my future father-in-law 20 camels and some sheep in exchange for his daughters hand in marriage. I am not planning on pulling an Isaac and choosing a wife because she gave some water to my servant and my camels.

I think dating or whatever you want to call it means investing in a relationship. I don’t think God created relationships so we could take them casually. And I’m just gonna go ahead and say it, I don’t think God is a fan of hooking up or anything of that sort. I remember reading a few years ago what Jesus said about lust and it totally changed my life. He said that if you even have lust in your mind, you have already committed adultery in your heart. So the question isn’t how far is too far with a member of the opposite sex. Is 2^nd or 3^rd base the stopping point? The question is how can I follow Christ more in this relationship. I plan on talking more on lust in a different piece.

One thing that troubles me with relationships is when I see others who expect for a relationship to complete them. It’s just untrue. How can some faulty person complete another faulty person? Here’s another one: why do so many relationships end because one person just lost interest in the other one. Everyone is interesting; I think it has more to do with getting what we want out of someone else. I have a lot of more ideas and topics I want to write about regarding relationships, but I will save them for a later date.

Remembering

So I have been thinking about getting a tattoo. This is not a recent thought or something I am doing out on a whim. I have been kicking around this idea for well over a year now. They say that if you want a tattoo you should think about it for awhile before you get one. And if after awhile you still want it, then go ahead and get it because it’s not something you will regret. That’s just what ‘they’ say. Some of you may say, “Matt, I never knew you were the tattoo type.” To which I would reply, “There’s a tattoo type?” Or other, slightly more conservative folk like my grandmother, would say, “But tattoos are of the Devil.” I would probably ignore you if you said that though because sometimes I get tired of arguing. What thing do I want permanently inked onto my skin? Something simple. Just words, no pictures. I don’t want a flaming skull across my chest or anything. It wouldn’t match my life. I am thinking a Bible verse actually. Not a whole verse, but just the book, chapter and verse number. Isaiah 6:8. It’s kinda a reminder to me to be willing to do whatever God wants of me.

I think reminders are good to have. I know I especially need reminders because I have learned recently that I am very forgetful. (So if we cross paths sometime and I don’t remember your name, let me apologize. I’ll try to play it off like I remember, but I seriously am very forgetful.) I think reminders about God are important. I think we all need to be reminded who He is, and about His love, and who we are in Him. Why do we need reminders of these things? Because so often we forget.

I know there have been many times where I have forgotten whose I am. I have forgotten who I represent. I have forgotten who He is. It’s so easy just to get caught up in something; whether it’s a job, school, yourself, another person, the culture, and even playing religion. It is so easy just to lose focus. Notice I said playing religion. I imagine many TV evangelists face times where they forget about authenticity and take on the roles of performing a show. It’s easy to put on my Jesus outfit (not a literal outfit) on Sundays, but it’s hard to remember to put it on everyday. Though He is with us always, many times we forget that our lives should reflect this always.

And that’s the thing when you claim to follow Him, you bring Him with you everywhere you go. Whether you are doing what He says to do or not, He still there with you. We can’t change that He is there. We can change how others view Him based on how we represent Him. They can either be turned off or turned on. Everyone knows I believe in gray areas when it comes to faith, but these things are black and white. I’m either doing what the Bible says or I am just not that serious about following Him. Either I am fleeing from lust or I am an adulterer (remember when Jesus says that even our thoughts can make us adulterers. So it has means more than just pre-martial sex.).

I guess the main thought of all of this is that I want to remember more often that I belong to God. That He is not something I can just put on whenever I feel like it. And if I really am taking my relationship with Him seriously, then I will actually do what He says to do. It’s really a simple idea, but often times I know I let it slip my mind. Simply living as He wants me to live, everyday, no matter where I am or who I am with. Doing what He says when I am out with friends on a Friday night. Doing what He says when I find myself alone with my girlfriend (I have no girlfriend, but if I did this would apply.) Doing what He says when I think no one else is watching. Doing what He says when it seems no one else is. Doing what He says and not adding to that my own created list of religious practices (I don’t have to abstain from alcohol; I just don’t need to get drunk.) Well I think that sums it all up. Walk in love…

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

“He’s just going to use it to get drunk.” That’s what I told myself when I saw a homeless man last week. There I was making my way through downtown, in my moderately nice vehicle on my way to an enjoyable evening of spending time with friends, cooking out (well technically it was cooking in. The grill was broken and George Foreman was used as a substitute. And on a side note. George Foreman is a genius. The world of indoor grilling was totally transformed when he stepped on the scene.). Here I am, stopped at a red light and I see this man. A little dirty, hasn’t shaved in a while and he has a sign. ANY BIT WILL HELP. GOD BLESS. I tried not to make eye contact with him at first, fearing that if our eyes met I would immediately feel guilty. I was only about 20 feet away from him, but I refused to make contact. I just kept my eyes looking straight ahead, even though I could sense that his eyes were locked onto me. Then the thought came up, “Don’t pay him any attention. Just ignore him. If you give him any money he will just go get drunk.”

I’ve been in this situation many times before. This is not the first homeless man that my path has crossed. There have been some I have ignored. Some I gave money to. Some I have talked with. Some I have bought food for. But no matter what I have done, that first thought to just ignore has almost always happened. Maybe I’m just an unsympathetic sinner?

I don’t consider myself that materialistic. I mean, I have some nice things, but I try not to let those things consume me or define me. I think I would be able to adapt pretty well if I was in some place where my things were stripped away from me, say like living in a hut in a village in Africa. I wouldn’t miss my SUV or my cell phone. But here’s this guy, out on a Saturday evening begging for money. Maybe he’s a drunkard, maybe he’s not. Maybe he’s just down on his luck, maybe he hasn’t been given the same opportunities I have. The fact is I have more than him. I have more stuff and that’s why I was sitting in my car listening to my ipod and he was on the street corner. Sure I can talk myself into ignoring him; I can rationalize myself to not be concerned with this man. I can subscribe to the idea that because I have more things than this man, then I am more important than he is. I could go that route.

But that’s not apart of following Christ. This lifestyle that I am trying to pursue, being after God’s own heart, well it tells me that I can’t ignore. That I can believe the idea that my stuff defines my worth. That I can’t believe that I am better than someone else because of what I have. If I am following Christ, I can’t choose to ignore a homeless man or simply write him off as a drunk. Yes, I do have more things than him, but I do not have more so I can keep more to myself. I have more so I can give more. “We are blessed so we can be a blessing,” is something I heard a pastor say once.

I don’t want this view of social status to keep me from following Christ. I don’t want to believe that this man and I are on different levels because of the things we have or do not have. God made this guy just as he made me. I am not better than him. I am not better than him. (I just thought I needed to repeat myself.) And I don’t want to help the poor or the homeless to make myself feel better. I don’t want to help the poor or the homeless so that I will feel less guilty for having more stuff. I want to do it because that’s what God wants. He doesn’t want me to question their neediness or to turn a blind eye. He wants me to show the love that I have been shown. And since I am trying to take my relationship with Him seriously, I want to do more of what He wants me to do. I want to not ignore signs that read ANY BIT WILL HELP. GOD BLESS. Walk in love…

For Heaven's Sake?

I guess I think of myself as generally a smart person. I mean, not in a conceited way or anything. But in life, there are just some things I don’t understand. Women, for instance. I really don’t even know what to say about ya’ll except the more I try to understand you, the more I am left clueless. And the less I try to understand you, the more I am amazed. (Did that even make any sense?) Another more serious thing I don’t understand is tragedy. Virginia Tech. More eloquent people than I have already said a lot about the tragedy. I guess the first thoughts that went through my head were about the shooter. What led him to this? What was going on in his life? I don’t understand any of it. I watched the movie Hotel Rwanda the other weekend. It was such a great movie, but it made me really sad. I don’t understand how 700,000 people can be slaughtered while the rest of the world ignores the injustice.

When we hear of tragedies like these or go through our own, sometimes we say things like, “Oh I can’t wait until I get to Heaven.” There’s even an old hymn, “When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be.” I guess we say these things because we know that in Heaven there will be no more war or tears or starving children or mass suicide bombings. We believe that in Heaven, we will have life as it was intended to be before the Fall. And I agree with these ideas about Heaven. But sometimes these ideas about future glory impact our lives in a way that really goes against the things Jesus said. For instance, for many Christians it’s easy to not get involved in humanitarian efforts because they know one Day all will be made right. It’s easy to neglect the present world when you only have your eyes on the future one. When Christianity is just about getting to Heaven, we take away from the message of Jesus. Robb Bell says, “What happens is the Gospel becomes about another world and this world greatly suffers.” Don’t get me wrong, there is a future hope that we should be eagerly awaiting, but there is also a present world that needs our help too.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full,” is something Jesus declares in John chapter 10. I believe that this life that Jesus spoke of is something that happens now, and not in some distant future. My life with Christ starts when I accept His love for me, not when I get to Heaven. There are bumper stickers out there, you know the ones. “Incase of Rapture, this car will be unmanned.” This may just be me, but this sticker represents this anticipation to leave this world behind. I can’t wait to get out of here. To me, this kind of thinking is not that Christ-like. Think about it. While He was here, did He ever say, “Man, you people are so screwed up. I can’t wait until I get to go back home.” Of course not. What did He say He was here to do? In Luke 4:18-19 Jesus says, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.” Jesus was here to teach, to heal, to love, to work, to help. So if Jesus is the ultimate example for my life, shouldn’t I be doing the things He did?

In the end, God restores the world to the way He meant it to be. So, that means it will never be fully restored until He does it. But since we are His children, since we are of His kingdom, shouldn’t we be trying to do a little restoring too? I am not judging anyone, but let’s face it, there are many of us out there who accepted Jesus just to avoid Hell. Now we’re just waiting around until God calls us home. That’s not the way He wants us to live, though. God wants us to get involved in this world and make a positive impact on this world for His Kingdom, and there is so much more to this than just getting ready for Heaven. It means bringing little pieces of Heaven here to Earth. It means actually loving your enemies and making peace a priority. It means getting involved in relationships so that no one ever feels alone. It means feeding the hungry, supplying for the poor, and telling enemies that war is not the answer. It means living our lives the way in which Jesus lived His. Walk in love…

Earning Love

So I guess you can say I am in the working world now. I still don’t feel comfortable in this place, to be honest. At least not comfortable being apart of corporate America. You know what, I have actually learned from being here. I’m not sure of if you are aware of this concept, but in order to advance in business you have to perform well. If I want to climb the so called “corporate ladder”, I have to constantly do better and better. Actually, I guess you can say this concept applies to most things in our world. If you want something, you have to work for it. I think this concept has been branded in our minds. It’s just the way the world works.

I guess now the question is how this “performance equal rewards” concept has affected our relationship with God. My guess is in a bigger way than we think. Let me say this. God can never love you any more than He does right now. Did you here that? God can never love you any more than He does right now. Let that sink in. Seriously. This idea is something that greatly amazes me and has affected my life. I guess I grew up with the idea that if I wanted God to love me more, I would have to do more things for Him. I mean, this concept is something that is true in most areas of our lives. I go to church whenever the doors are open because I want God to love me more. I read my Bible everyday because I want God to love me more. I say a prayer before every meal because I want God to love me more.

This kind of thinking about God, about performing for acceptance, it is not that healthy. It’s doing things out of obligation and not out of love. Example: I have a wife. (Use your imagination) Let’s say my wife has a birthday. Which do you think would be the sign of a healthy relationship between her and I: me giving her a gift because I felt it was my duty or me giving her a gift because of my love for her? Obviously the latter is the best.

The simple fact is God’s love for me and you can be no better than it is right now. No amount of mission trips, tithes, Bible studies, or prayers could ever improve His love for us. I know there are some people out there who would yell at me “faith without works is dead”, but I am not arguing against that. I am saying that sometimes we get in these places in our relationship with Him, where we are just doing things out of obligation. When we start trying to wrap our minds around of this great love God has for us, I believe it will cause in us a desire to want to live a life for and about Him.

This concept of His love, that there is nothing we can do to earn it; it’s so unlike the ways of this world. He did say something like His ways are not ours. We are brought up with these ideas that in order to get ahead in life we have to work harder, but God’s love doesn’t work that way. He says, “I love you just as you are. You don’t have to try to prove your love to me in order to get ahead. It can’t be done. Just accept that I love you and let My love transform you.” Notice the part about letting His love transform you. Yes, God does love us right where we are. God loves the pastor, the prostitute, the missionary, and the atheist each where they are. But, God wants His love to flow through us and change us in order to become more like Him. I want to love as God loves. I think many times in the Church, we have this idea that if someone wants to be apart of our big Christian family they have to meet us on our terms, but truthfully our love should meet them where they are first.

I don’t want to perform “Christian things” out of obligation, trying to earn His love. I don’t want to apply the world’s concept to One who is above this world. I don’t want to be apart of the false gospel that God’s love can be earned by doing more good deeds. I want to live fully in God’s love, allowing it to shape me and draw me closer to Him and spread from me to everyone I come in contact with. Walk and live in love…

A Christian Nation?

This whole following Christ deal is difficult. I mean, He said it would be and He is right. One of the most difficult things for me is the balance between right and wrong. We don’t have a list of things to do and not to do, though some Christians will say that we do. And because sometimes the answers are not clearly written in stone, we have times where we disagree. One person will say this is right and the next person will say it’s wrong. And then there’s a big debate and sides are chosen. This whole cycle of things is so old and has been too overdone. With all that being said I am going to voice my opinion about something. Again this is just what I believe and I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. This is just me taking what I have learned from God and trying to apply it.

Did Jesus support war? I can’t find any scripture that says He did. Sure most of the Old Testament is about war and God constantly told the Israelites to go to war. But to me, when Jesus stepped out of Eternity and into this world, He brought with Him a different way of doing things. He said things like blessed are the peacemakers. When the Romans came to arrest Jesus with swords and torches, Peter makes a violent act of cutting off one of the soldier’s ears. Jesus could have just let it be, but He doesn’t. He says no to the way of violence. He says if He wanted to He could call down a whole army of angels to have His back. His army of angels would definitely be better than anything Caesar could put together. But Jesus doesn’t play by the way of violence. He says no. He says those who live by the sword will die by the sword. He tells Peter to put down his sword; to stop the violence.

Not only did Jesus want to stop the endless cycle of violence, but he wanted to bring restoration to man’s violent ways. For instance, he could have just left the man’s ear on the ground, and by earthly standards, the man deserved it. But Jesus doesn’t give the soldier what he deserves. He heals him. He makes things new. Jesus is the ultimate peacemaker and He is the restorer of our own violent ways.

There tends to be this unspoken conservative Christian rule that if you love Jesus you will vote Republican. And if you are Republican you will be for the war in Iraq. Christianity and politics are a touchy subject, I know. We have our issues of abortion and gay marriage and we say that we want to have laws concerning these areas. We call it the Sanctity of Life. We say God is against abortion and gay marriage so we want to make laws against them. I just have one question, why do we think we can apply our faith to laws about gay marriage and abortion and then disregard what Jesus says about violence and war? It seems like a double standard. We vote as if we want our nation to be a Christian nation, but we totally neglect what Jesus says about violence. If we want to apply Jesus to laws of gay marriage and abortion, shouldn’t we apply Jesus concerning war?

Really I am not saying I am for the war or against it. I honestly don’t know where I stand as a follower of Christ on this issue. Is war ever justifiable as a nation? Maybe. Is violence ever a way that represents Jesus? I can’t say that it is. I don’t think we are a Christian nation. Sure there were some great Biblical ideas in forming this nation, but we are not a theocracy. For me, I can’t support the war and then turn around and want to vote for God concerning gay marriage and abortion. I would have to call myself a hypocrite. For you, it may be okay. I am simply saying what Jesus had led me to believe. I do know that as a powerful nation, we should help the oppressed. I know that in Africa there are 10 year olds being forced to fight in wars and we as a nation have done little to end this. I think the War in Iraq will never be won because we are not fighting a nation, we are fighting a belief. Nations are easier to defeat than beliefs.

I do support our troops and I do love my country. But my citizenship is first and foremost in His Kingdom and I have to remember that while living in this world. I know some of you may disagree with me and that’s okay. I am not here to debate these issues or anything. I am just throwing ideas out there. If God speaks to you, then great. Debating hardly ever brings about any positive outcome. Walk in love…