Quick to listen, slow to speak

Last week I had coffee with a new friend of mine. I call him new, but we actually have known each other for awhile. We had one of those casual relationships; the kind where you only speak to each other when you pass by. So, since we were only acquaintances to begin with, it was great to actually get to know him on a deeper level.

I love talking with people. I love hearing people’s stories. I wish I could sit down and talk with a new person everyday. But A: I don’t have that much time now and B: it would be hard to get to know everyone on a deeper level if I spread myself out that much. I still believe though that getting to know someone is such a rewarding experience. It’s almost as if it’s spiritual, even when God is not the topic of conversation. Hey, maybe we are wired for human connection?

Anyways, I heard a verse last week that has been on the forefront of my mind for the last few days. It comes from James chapter 1, one of my most favorite chapters in the Bible.

James 1:19 “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Chances are you may have heard this before. Good wisdom tends to get around. Every time I have heard this verse before though, it’s been about how we shouldn’t rush into anger. That’s a good idea, don’t get me wrong. But I have been thinking about the first part of this verse. “…be quick to listen, slow to speak…”

Many times when I am talking with someone my selfish nature takes over and my thoughts become about what I am going to say next. Many times I find myself not actually listening with my heart and soul to the other person. Many times I find myself fast to speak.

I think what James is trying to say is that our connection with each other is something important and sacred. And because of this, we should actually listen to each other. Not just hear what someone else is saying, but try to listen and understand the heart of the individual. Loving others is supposed to be at the top of our list, right behind loving God. And how can I show someone my love for them if I am not truly taking in what they are saying?

Maybe I should begin to listen more to the people I am talking with, maybe I should think about and meditate on what they are saying so that I can really get to know their heart. Then, after I have heard and feel what their heart and soul are saying to me, that’s when I respond. Don’t rush for a response. Don’t email them back right away. Take the time to try and understand my brother or sister. That’s what I want to do more, and I pray the same for you.

Excuses

You ever have those random conversations with God where He points out something He doesn’t like that’s a part of your life. I had one of those last night while driving home. For some reason God had me thinking about excuses.

Excuses we give Him so we won’t have to do what He says.

“Look God, I know how You want me to live. I know what You think is best .But here’s what I’m going to do.”

“Look at this person over there. They are in worse shape than me.”

“But God, those things You said back in the olden days really can’t apply in our modern society.”

“But God, look at me. I’m in no shape to be a leader.”

“I’d like to give my whole life to You, but I think I’ll just hold on to this little thing.”

“But God my girlfriend and I are married in our hearts.”

“But God it’s not like I’m a murderer or anything serious like that.”

But, but, but…

I know God gets tired of listening to my excuses and honestly I have been tired of giving them for quite some time. I can give out many stories in the Bible about guys making excuses to God. First we have Adam: Hey yeah I ate the fruit God, but it’s the woman’s fault. She gave me the fruit. There’s Moses: “But I’m not good with words. Why do I have to go lead my people out of Egypt?” Then, we have Jonah: it doesn’t record Jonah’s excuse but we know He had one. Anytime you run from God, you have all kinds of excuses. I bet he was scared of the Ninevites.

And of course we know that life would have been much better for the people if they had just obeyed God from the beginning. No wasting time. No debating. Just followed through on their path.

While I was thinking about this I was immediately taken to the story of Jesus’ death. He didn’t give God any excuses. He didn’t whine that the dying for the sin of the world was too much. “Listen God, Good Friday is just not a good day for me, how about next week?” (I don’t think it was called Good Friday back then though.) He knew what He had to do and He followed through. Even though He hadn’t done anything wrong, He took all of our wrongdoings and suffered the punishment for them…all without any excuses. No buts. No running away. No passing the blame.

If He has done that for me, why am, I still making excuses for not living my whole life for Him? Yeah, it’s great to claim to follow Jesus, but to actually follow through with what you say you believe is a different story. To lay your excuses aside and give it all to Him is the only actual way to follow Him. Sure we’ll make some mistakes along the way. Thankfully He has grace. And it’s more than enough. So for me it’s time to start laying my excuses aside and picking up my cross. And I pray the same for you.

An Almost Forgotten Memory

Honestly, I used to be scared of the movie theater. Totally frightened. I must have been around 5 years old when I had this fear. It wasn't the movie theater itself or the smell of stale popcorn or sticky floors that scared me. My fear came from the walls. You know how back in the day the walls of movie theaters had these huge curtains/drapes type deals on the side walls. That's where my fear came from. Those curtain things. I was convinced that something was behind those curtains and it wasn't walls. Some kind of child-hungry monster lived behind those curtains in my mind. I used to demand to sit in the middle so I didn't have to be near them. I had totally forgotten about this fear until I went to the theater recently. I was just sitting there and I had this flashback. I chuckled a bit because I haven't thought about that fear in forever.

The other night I ran into an old friend. I hadn't seen this friend in awhile but immediately I was taken back. The first memory that came to mind was the summer when I introduced my friend to the awesomeness that is the movie You Got Served. Yes, I just admitted that. So what?

Its fun when random memories creep back to mind. Times long forgotten, but I guess not really forgotten at all. I have these random memories pop up every now and then. Many days I get too caught up in whatever it is that is going on to even think about the past. I forget to laugh about the good old days. I forget the lessons I learned in the terrible days as well. God can be good at reminding me though. I wish He didn't have to.

I wish I could always remember that He loves me and is always there for me.

I wish I could always remember that He is my strength during days when I am searching for someplace to hold me up.

I wish I could always remember that His ideas about how to live my life are far wiser than anything I could ever come up with.

The thing is, I know these truths in my soul but I often live like I have forgotten them. I often live like I don't have any memory of the past lessons learned. As if I have some sort of amnesia. But I don’t have amnesia. I just choose to do things my way.

I think we get like this sometimes. We act like we forget about God. We do things our way. We relapse momentarily. “Back slide.” Honestly, I am tired of getting that feeling after I screw up. I hate forgetting about God and His ways. And honestly, when I mess up He’s not at the forefront of my mind. He’s like a forgotten memory.

But I know He deserves more than just being a deity that fades in and out of importance. He desires more than that. And so I want to give Him more than that. I want to remember Him and His guidance on how to live my life every waking moment. I know I’ll screw up from time to time. But I will remember that He is still there and His ways are still worth pursuing. And I pray the same for you…

The Life I Think About

I tend to think a lot. To wonder. Many different things cross my mind on a given day. I wonder what I’ll have for dinner. I think about how creepy that movie was that I watched last week. I wonder how things will go tomorrow night. I question how God can really love me despite how messed up I am. I think about the life that I want to have.

That last thought, about the life I want to have, is one I wish I spent more time on. I guess sometimes life can get pretty mundane. I know sometimes I’ll look at the calendar and ask where has the last month/week/hour gone. Life can just happen to you if you let it.

When I find myself thinking about my life, I tend to ask God if this is the life He has in store for me. Is a routine life what He came to give me?

I am reminded of Jesus saying something about coming to give an abundant life. A life to the fullest is how some translations read. I don’t think Jesus meant that as far as giving me material things. He’s a deeper person than that. I think He’s talking about a life of meaning.

Giving a life of significance. Something untamed.

A life filled with love, and passion, and adventure, and risks, and truth, and laughter.

If I am truthful with myself, that’s the kind of life my heart yearns for. I don’t really get excited about a neat, arranged, mundane life. I was not meant to live a life where I’m just going through the motions. Honestly, I think that’s the life most of us have settled for. We walk around sort of in a haze, just letting life happen. We have jobs, we have families; we have ordinary non-passionate life.

Don’t get me wrong, jobs and families are great things. I believe in work and I strongly believe in families. I have friends that work 70 plus hours a week and they are completely drained. That can be fine and all especially if you love your job. But I don’t think that’s the case most of the time. I think we do it because we don’t know what else there is to do. We’ve settled for a life where it’s just about getting ahead and surviving rather than living life to the fullest. We are existing for this boring, dutiful, neat life. But I don’t believe that life should be boring or dutiful or neat at all.

I want to live the life that Jesus came to give. Sure, I want to work but I know I am more than my work. Sure, it’d be fine to increase my wealth. But I think I meant for more than a life that’s just fine. And I know that there’s more to life than just material things. So I am going to pursue that life that my soul cries out for, not just think about it. The kind of life that I was created for. The abundant, full kind of life that Jesus came to give. I hope you can do the same.

What God Taught Me about Mj and McNair's Deaths.

I remember listening to Thriller on the record player with my cousin when I was 3. That creepy laugh at the end always scared me. I remember dancing in my room to the Bad cassette, which I still have today. As everyone already knows, Michael Jackson passed away last week.

Last weekend, former Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair also died. I can't say that I have as many great memories about McNair, but he seemed like a good guy. Like the kind of guy you could just kick back and hang with. When I first learned about his death, I told a friend "well that's what happens when you screw around...you get screwed." I was wrong when I said that.

One of the things that binds all of us on Earth together is that we are all sinners. We all have our faults, we all have our own short comings. Just because someone is more famous than I am, they're sins come out into the light for everyone to see...while mine stay more hidden. I have heard some Christians make callous remarks about Jackson and McNair, and I completely understand where they are coming from. I have said my own.

But I have had a change of heart recently. God has shown me some things that I thought I knew, but I guess I didn't truly believe. What good does it do to point out Jackson's mistakes? Michael was crazy, I'm not denying that. He was different, and there was always speculation surrounding him. But who am I to point the finger at him in ridicule? I think that Jesus is pointing right back at me, saying I need to get the 2x4 out of my own eye.

And of course it was wrong for McNair to have a girlfriend on the side. There is no excuse for that. Anyone who knows me knows how much affairs sicken me. But I also know that all sins sicken God. My sins, McNair's sins, your sins. They're all the same in His eyes. What gives me the right to show off my self-righteous pride by throwing stones at Steve McNair? I would have probably been ones of those people who tried to throw stones at the lady who committed adultery. You know, the story where Jesus shows up and says whoever is without sin should cast the 1st stone.

I think we as followers of Christ would better represent Him if we were more like Him. (Wow, such a revolutionary concept. Christians being more like Christ.) We all have those around us know who we silently or openly criticize and judge. We all find ourselves pointing our fingers at our own brothers and sisters. I do it all of the time. But it's not what Christ would do. He would say something like, "We both know you screwed up. But that's not the end of your story. Let me show you a better way to do life. Let me show you how much God loves you. Let me point out the good in you and encourage you to live the life you were created for." I think that this is the attitude I should have when I find myself pointing the finger.

What Rocky Taught Me About Father's Day

You know I thought that Father’s Day wouldn’t bother me by now. But I was thinking about it the other day, and it kinda still does. Yes, I have some father issues. Well, they’re not really my issues since I have done all I can to try to have a relationship with my father. But it hasn’t really worked out. Last year I made my mom go see a movie with me on Father’s Day. I don’t hate my dad for his mistakes because hate is a terrible way to live. Hate eats at you and consumes you. Disappointed and let down would be an appropriate way to say how I feel. I’m not sure it’s something I’ll ever get truly ‘over’. It’s just a feeling that I’ve encountered often.

You know, speaking of Father’s Day, I thought I would be having one of my own by now. I have friends with kids. I’m not even anywhere near the place where I’m going to have kids. You have to have more than just yourself involved if you want to have kids.

I’ve heard my fair share of “I just think we should be friends.” That gets old after awhile.

Recently, I sent some writing submissions into a publisher. The only reason I sent them in is because someone who worked there asked me to. I guess they didn’t like them. I didn’t get a response.

Disappointment is a part of life. I have never met anyone who hasn’t experienced it; some people seems like they get it more than others though. Those folks who seem like they have it easy get on my nerves sometimes. I know that I’m wrong in feeling this, but hey at least I’m honest.

Truthfully, I’m jealous of these types of folks. It seems like their life is perfect; like they have everything they’ve ever wanted. And I wish my life had turned out that way. I wish I had landed that job, or gotten married, or had a kid, or…

And I’ve heard all of the cliché sayings that people tell you when you feel like I do.

“God just has something better in store for you.”

“He’s trying to teach you something.”

“His timing is not our timing.”

I know these things but they are not something I really want to hear when I feel disappointed. I think it’s important to admit the bad times though. Admit the hurt. Don’t act like everything is okay.

I watched Rocky Balboa the other night; it’s the Rocky movie Stallone did a couple of years ago. Something he said caught my attention. He was talking with his son about life and the let downs that happen along the way.

“You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward.”

Great wisdom from the Italian Stallion.

I think that is the point to it.

To persevere,

Keep going and moving,

To keep learning and growing.

Allow your hard knocks to transform you into a better person. Share what you’ve learned with others and keep living.

That what James did. He knew persecution. He knew disappointment. And he wrote, “Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds. Because you know the testing if your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”

To persevere, in the midst of disappointment. This is a virtue I strive for more of.

Why Do I Serve?

Preface: I wrote this on Easter Sunday.

It’s Easter again. The time where we come together and celebrate Your death and Resurrection. Your sacrifice. Our redemption.

It’s the time of year where we decorate eggs in Your name and buy new pastel colored clothing to remember the price You paid. Oh, and I can’t forget the giant candy-delivering bunny that spreads Your Good News.

For some reason this Easter I am not paying attention to the sermon being given by the preacher. Instead, for some reason I am questioning myself and my intentions. And I guess the biggest question I have right now is why do I worship You?

Why do I call You God?

Why do I claim to follow You?

Why do I say I love You?

Is it because of the blessings I hope to receive due to my devotion? Do I worship You because I think that will make me better off? You are God over all. You have the capacity to give me everything I have ever wanted. You can give me a promotion at work if it’s Your will. You can lead me to the girl of my dreams and a nice white picket fence. You can make my life easier. Is that why I am sitting in church today? Do I believe that if I give my life to You, that You will in turn give me my heart’s desires? Look, I know I don’t pray to You as often as I should. And You probably get tired of hearing from me only when I need something. Do I think of You just as some magic genie I can call on to grant my wishes?

Or do I claim to love You because You are simply a tradition? It’s true that You are something that I have grown up with. I have heard Your word so much that sometimes it doesn’t excite me like it used to. Have I built up a tolerance to Your piercing love over the years? Is my heart calloused to You? I am a creature of habit; I do what I’ve always done because that’s all I’ve ever known. Does this habitual worship apply to You? Is my love and service just a mundane ritual or is there love and desire in me?

Most of the people I am around claim You as Savior. These people I surround myself with are the ones I care about and value. Which leads me to the question, Do I worship You because the people around me do? Am I just following the crowd? What if one day everyone decided to turn away from You? Then, would I still follow the pack like a mindless zombie or would I still be devoted to You? I value others’ opinions of me; I am afraid of being an outcast. Do I do things for You so that I will be accepted? Am I looking for approval in the eyes of men rather than in Your eyes?

These are the questions I ask You because You are supposed to know me better than I know myself. Am I just in it for the selfish gain? Or do I put Your desires above my own? Would I still serve You if You took away everything? Do I follow You out of tradition, as if You are just a habit I have simply lost all meaning of? Or do Your words sound frsh ever time I hear them? Does passion still burn in my soul for You? Do I claim to follow You so that I will be loved by others? Am I seeking their approval over Yours? Or do I put You in a position high above everyone in my life?

Search me Jesus. Search my my heart, my soul, my life. Weed out the things that are not of You and for You. I pray that my life can become less about me and my ways, and more about You and Yours.

Called

Have you ever heard someone say they were called to be in ministry? I have. I remember going to a youth camp in 7th grade. It was one of those emotional deals, where the speaker brings down fire and brimstone. I remember his sermon. He spoke on doing something for God. And how sometime God can push you into doing something, but that you should jump in before He pushes you. I remember feeling scared. I didn’t want God to push me. God probably is jacked like a bodybuilder and what if He pushes too hard? I remember telling my youth group at the end of the service that I felt like God was calling me into ministry and I wanted to surrender my life to His plans. I bet I was probably crying while saying this. Hey, those emotional sermons can get to ya.

Now here I am. I’m 27 and selling advertising for a living. I am not in ministry. I am studying to be a counselor, but that’s not ministry. So what happened? Why didn’t I go to a seminary college or major in preaching? I don’t know. I think my views have changed a lot over the years about what God’s calling actually means.

I guess I don’t believe that there are those called to go into ministry and then the rest of us. I think we are all ‘called’ by God to do something in our lives. As since we are all called, then one calling is not more special in His eyes than another one. The thing is, some of us know what we are called to do, some of us think we know, and some of us have no idea.

I think the important thing is to be open for whatever God has in store for your life. Sometimes He can lead us places where we don’t want to go, but we will be better off if we follow. We are called to love God and to love others no matter where He leads us. Sometimes we like to point out the verse where God says that He knows the plans He has for us. I think it’s true; He does have plans for us. It just that most of the time most of us are clueless as to what they are.

The key here is to be willing to go and do and say whatever God wants from you. It’s much like Isaiah, when he over heard God asking who should He send; Isaiah volunteered. He was eager to do whatever God wanted Him to do. I think if our desire is to love God and to serve Him, then He will guide us to where He best can use us. He wants the talents He placed in us to shine. It may be ministry. But then again it may be business, or education, or music, or government. God calls us all, but in different ways.

Walk in love,
matt

In my Marriage and Family class last night we talked a lot about the importance of forgiveness. Of course, that forgiveness is a meaningful component when discussing aspects of marriage and family. (It’s really important in all relationships.) So ever since last night I have been thinking about what it means to forgive.

I have made my share of mistakes in regards to relationships. Probably more than my share. There are things I regret. There are feelings that I have hurt. And there are things I wished I would have not said (or said). But that’s a natural part of life. Screwing up and hurting others. I’m not saying it’s a great part of life, but nevertheless it still happens to everyone. There have been times I have beat myself up over the wrongs I have committed in my relationships. Sometimes it seems harder to forgive yourself than it does to forgive others.

Along with my own mistakes, there have been times where I have felt betrayed by others. People have let me down before and they will most certainly do it again. I have held on to grudges. Held on too tightly sometimes. It’s hard to forgive. I mean, this person did me wrong. I trusted them with a part of me and look what I got in return. How many times have we all had that thought? There have been times where I have wished justice on someone who turned their back on me.

Yes, hurting others and being hurt is something we have all experienced and will experience again. So we have to learn to deal with it, right? I know I have apologized to God and the ones I know I have hurt, and I think that’s where forgiving yourself begins. I have grieved deeply over my past mistakes and God has graciously taught me something from each situation. But I don’t dwell on my shortcomings. I think dwelling on these things forces us into a feeling of being trapped by our past. Thankfully, because of His love we don’t have to live in the past; we are offered freedom and love in the present.

I have learned (the hard way) that I can’t dwell on the hurt I have felt from others too. When I spend my time brooding over how someone did me wrong, I am giving that person’s action power over my own life. I am giving them control over my own thoughts and emotions and actions. Also, I know that other people are human just like me. We all screw up. I am no different from them. But you don’t know what this person did to me! I could never forgive them! True, but I know we are all capable of evil. There is no one who is righteous. There is no better way to show God’s love to someone than to forgive someone’s betrayal.

Walk in love…
matt

The Day Before

Wow. I can't believe it's been 2 months since I last posted. I have been writing, but mostly with pen and paper. Yes, taking it old school. Eventually I will get around to typing that stuff up.

I am leaving the country tomorrow. I'll be traveling to one of my second homes, an orphanage in Mexico. I think this will be my 7th trip there. I think I may have lost count though. A friend of mine describes the place as "the closest place to Heaven on earth" and I have to agree with her.

I have made some great friendships with some of there people there. It's always great to get a chance to go see old friends you don't get to spend time with that often. There's one kid there that I have literally watched grow up. It's amazing when you can get a chance to see a life take shape before your very eyes.

It's always fun trying to speak Spanish with the children there. I'm not that good at it. But I am happy to report that I can finally roll my r's. I found this out while driving home the other night from class. I can't wait to show off my r rolling skills to the teen girls at the orphanage. They think my Spanish is so bad that last year they gave me their Spanish/English translation book. Apparently, I needed it worse than they did.

I am very thankful for the many relationships I have formed with the people there. We are seperated by cultures. By languages. By distance. But God has still seen fit to weave our stories together, as only He can do. I guess His love has no boundaries.

Too Scared to...

When I’m first getting to know someone I like to ask them questions. Questions are such a great and natural way to learn more about a person. (A little more natural than stalking them on facebook.) Questions show that you are interested. One of my favorite questions is, “What are you afraid of?” That’s such a classic question. “What scares you?” For some people it is clowns. For others it’s spiders. Some folks are afraid of being alone. And some are just afraid of the dark. I hate answering that question though. (This probably means I shouldn’t ask it.)

Honestly, I don’t like to admit that I am scared of anything. But there are things that I fear. Now none of my fears would cause me to have a panic attack or run away screaming, but there are some times when I get scared. Rejection, dying young, not fulfilling my purpose – these are just some of my fears.

God has been speaking to me a lot about fears lately. I read a piece on Donald Miller’s blog the other day and I was instantly confronted with truth. He was talking about being scared to say the closing prayer at the Democratic National Convention. Don writes, “Fear is always a sign that a great story is about to be written (or not, depending on how you respond.)” Fear is such a great way to keep you from doing something. It’s great at holding you back. What better way to keep you from accomplishing a life goal than fear? What better way to keep you from connecting with the person who could change your life forever than fear?

I have a lot of dreams that I would love to accomplish in life. I do believe that I have a purpose. Many times when I find myself pursuing my dreams or trying to live in my purpose I encounter fears. Lately, when I encounter these fears I try to take a moment to pause. I ask myself what’s the worst that could happen? I could be rejected (been there, done that & survived). People could say mean things about me. (I don’t give too much credit to people who say mean things.) Or, quite possibly, the situation could actually turn out for the good. Now imagine that. The thing is I will never know how situations will turn out if I let my fears control me. I will never come closer to living in my purpose if I’m too fearful to pursue it. I will never know how much a relationship can change my life for the better (and maybe other lives) if I’m too scared to invest myself in another person.

God says that where He’s present, fear shall not reign. He says that He takes care of the flowers in the fields and clothes them with beauty and splendor – He says that He will take care of us with even more love than He shows the flowers. It really comes down to “Do I trust Him to take care of me and the situations I am in when I encounter fear?” I believe that God has certain plans for my life and certain ones for your life; plans that are so great we can’t even imagine them. But, now here’s the question, how will we ever get to experience those great plans if we’re too scared to move?

Aspirations for 2009

The past few days I have just been thinking about the New Year and what exactly that means. It feels like it’s a way to start fresh. This year doesn’t have to be the same as the last. Not to say that last year was a terrible year, but I like to find things I can improve on. So here’s a few things I want to work at this year.

Make more time for others. I like helping people and I like being a friend, but I’m also kind of selfish. We’ve all had those phone calls where we look at the ID and then decide not to pick it up. Well, I want to be more available to the people around me. I also tend to get distracted easily, so when I am with someone I want to be fully present during that time.

Seek out the things that bring me joy in life and pursue those more often. Life can get mundane. Sometimes it can get boring. It’s not supposed to be that way though. I think that God created us to experience joy and excitement. Sometimes we get too caught up in the everyday that we forget what our passions are and how to go after them.

Don’t let fear control any aspect of your life. I remember being too scared in middle school to ask a girl out. I don’t struggle with that fear any more (okay maybe sometimes). But fear is something that we give over big portions of our lives to. God says that we should never fear because He is on our side. And if we’ll just take a deep breath, count to five, and say no to fear…there’s no telling what great things we can experience.

And along those lines, don’t back away from risks. Truthfully, I like to play it safe. I think most of us do. But if we don’t take risks, life gets pretty boring. When we take risks we are seeking out what it truly means to be alive. The great life that our hearts call out for is not found sitting on the couch; it’s found out in the unknown.

Never give up on people. Persistence is not my best quality. Neither is patience when it comes to people. Someone does me wrong, I typically say okay and mentally write that person off. I don’t want to be that way though. I think the world would be a better place if no one gave up on anyone else.

These are just a few of the things I have come up with so far. I’ll probably think of more later on during the year. But that’s okay. Life is supposed to have adjustments. And I need to make room for them.